


Ashore

by Arkada



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alien gore, Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Angst, Brotherly feels, Developing Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, FrostIron - Freeform, M/M, Mind Melding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-08
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-22 19:40:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/917286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arkada/pseuds/Arkada
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the terrible things he’s done, Loki Odinson knows he’s a monster; so does the entire Shielddome, who hate him almost as much as he hates himself. Now he’s only on base because his brother insists, never mind that Loki would give almost anything to get out of here.</p><p>Building Jaegers is Tony Stark's wet dream come to life. He can drink, screw around, and avoid sleeping as much as he wants, so long as he keeps the Jaeger fleet running, and he never has to explain why he's borderline destroying himself.</p><p>When they meet, it's lust at first sight - for Tony. For Loki, it's hope and safety and friendship and everything else he can't let himself have.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I own neither of these movies, which explains why this fusion hasn't already been made canon.

There’s a Category Three headed for San Diego and people are probably going to die and almost certainly already have thanks to the fucking tsunamis the Breach sets off every time it opens, but at least the damn Kaiju ( _Hydra_ , how does Coulson come up with these stupid names?) has cleared Tony’s workshop of all non-essential personnel, which is to say, everyone but him.

For once he can actually rant as much as he likes and he isn’t surrounded by the abject terror of the newbies who still think he’s got something valuable to teach them, but get put off when they realize exactly how much genius looks like insanity. And that’s a lot, apparently, according to Bruce, but Bruce is a genius in _his_ field and Tony’s not accusing him of being anything less than stable, so he doesn’t know why engineers should be more vulnerable than Kaiju biologists. But the material point is that Tony’s on his own, and that means he can bitch about the goddamn vulnerable dominant muscle strand in _Red Avenger_ ’s forearm without having to feel like maybe the decent human thing to do would be to moderate himself a bit.

“-slice it even _once_ and they’re down and that’s just unacceptable, but anything bigger won’t _fit-_ ”

“Why not use-”

“ _Shit!_ ” Tony almost falls off his chair as he leaps to his feet and staggers back from the _person_ , _here_ , where they shouldn’t be - he’s alone in here! “Who the hell are you?”

The man perched on an empty table a few yards away swings his mile-long legs and arches black eyebrows that stand out against his marble-pale skin, framing dark, intense eyes. He’s fucking _gorgeous_ , high sharp cheekbones and straight black hair combed sleekly back over his head and reaching his shoulders. He’s wearing a dark green button-up and black slacks like he’s not on a military base when the world’s ending and not even Coulson irons his suits anymore, let alone creasing them perfectly like this guy’s somehow managed.

_I want him._

He’s invaded Tony’s space but he’s just listening like he wants to hear Tony speak, and Tony’s not about to kick out a body that looks like _that_ , stunning and elegant with long limbs that would wrap around Tony like vines and force Tony’s cock deeper into his ass-

 _Okay, I want him a_ lot.

The guy opens his mouth and slides the pink, wet tip of his tongue over his thin, straight lips, and quirks a smile. “Really? You don’t recognize the monster?”

“Only monsters I recognize are the ones that tear up my babies, and I’ve never actually seen one of them, so I guess not. What, have you been kicking _Hulk_ ’s ass when I wasn’t looking?”

The man laughs, but it’s very much not funny; it’s darkly edged, almost with menace, and he shakes his head, making his hair barely caress his shoulders. “Your Jaegers are safe from me. I only destroy pilots.”

Tony shrugs. That’s a very weird place for a conversation to go, but on the other hand it’s the most he’s said to another human being in three weeks, so maybe he’s forgotten how socializing is meant to happen. “No skin off my nose. I’m strictly hardware. You want to fuck with someone, pilot killer, go mess with Fury’s head.” He winks. “Unless you _actually_ want to fuck, in which case drop your pants and bend over.”

The man leans back a little and eyes Tony carefully, like he’s assessing him - _eleven out of ten, would bang?_ Hopefully - and smirks, all confident, coy arrogance, and Tony’s mouth almost goes dry at the stunning picture he makes. He must have been a model in a past life, or something - an actor, a greek god - and Tony swallows and gives him his best come-hither look because _he’s_ the one doing the seducing here.

The man says, “You never let me finish.”

“Oh, gorgeous, I’ll finish you as many times as you want.”

He grins, sharp and wide and breathtaking - no, literally - and nods at the wire hologram Tony’s working on. “Why not use multiple cables of thinner diameter? If one were to break the others would allow the arm to continue functioning, and you wouldn’t increase the volume.”

Tony turns back and eyes the arm, the thick cable running down to the hand. Yeah, that might work, only - “You’d sacrifice a hell of a lot of power there, multiple smaller circles are way less efficient than one big one-”

“So use a stronger material. Of course, it will be heavier, but-”

“If there’s less overall volume I can afford to be sloppy with the weight, yes!” Tony plucks the holographic cable free and starts typing in parameters for a new set, stronger, heavier - he’ll have to get new attachments as well, interconnect them so if one cable breaks it’ll still work, but it’ll be tricky to do given that ideally he’d like to have the cables equidistant around the arm, less vulnerable to a complete failure that way, and this is a fantastic idea and why didn’t he think of it himself?

He’s going to chain this guy to a desk and stick a microphone to his perfectly pressed collar so Tony never misses out on anything he says.

“You’re a genius, how have we never met, who did you say you were again?”

The guy hesitates for the first time since kidnapping Tony’s attention, chewing on his lip for a second before looking at something over Tony’s shoulder, like he can’t meet Tony’s eyes but doesn’t want to be so obvious as to look in a completely different direction. “Loki Odinson.”

“Great. _Knock_ next time you visit, Lo…” Turns out ignoring introductions is a bad habit to get into, when he actually _wants_ to remember this one’s name. “Forgotten the rest.”

The guy arches his eyebrows again, surprised and disbelieving. “Loki,” he repeats, slowly, like he’s expecting Tony to react like he’s the second coming, “Odinson.”

The last name is slightly familiar but more importantly _Loki_ is seriously pretty and running it together with _Tony_ is sheer poetry.

Literally, with that - _ee_ sound at the end. _Loki and Tony._

He doesn’t know how and doesn’t know when, but Tony is going to make _Loki Odinson_ scream his name so loud he can’t speak again for a week. “Gotcha. Thanks for the help, great idea, I’ll get stuck into that, feel free to hand out more whenever you like.”

He doesn’t push any further; he’s made his interest clear and it’s up to Loki to come back and say _take me, big boy._ Tony looks down at the model and starts working up ratios for a high-vanadium steel that he’s always wanted to try but hasn’t been able to because of the weight issue, the same weight issue that Loki just solved for him.  

Loki’s steps away are impossibly quiet on the hard metal floors with their old loose plating, and Tony can probably only hear them because he knows Loki’s there. He glances up to catch himself a sight of Loki’s ass as he walks, firm and tight and round, slacks hugging it perfectly, and Tony can’t help picturing his hands cupping that ass and a few quick measurements that tell him it would be a great fit, never mind the fantastic qualities of the ass itself.

Screw protecting the world - Tony is going to fuck this man if it’s the last thing he does.

~

Tony Stark is _impossible._

Loki grinds the heels of his hands into his eyes and grits his teeth. There is _nobody_ on this base who doesn’t know what Loki did - gossip travels faster than a man can walk, and Loki knows, otherwise people wouldn’t be able to avoid him so easily - and in over a year, nobody has let it go.

_-he is taking and taking because he doesn’t know how not to, because he can’t trust anyone can’t let them in can’t give himself up like they want has to be in charge has to own-_

_-he’s choking under the weight and his mind’s washing away and he grabs for it with desperate fingers but everything’s being stolen and he can’t fight back he’s never known anything like this before he’s helpless controlled taken-_

Loki shudders and swallows and presses the back of his hand against his mouth to push the nausea down, the spreading invasion of his mind like Kaiju blood in the ocean, alien and destructive. His stomach is hot and his throat burns with acid, but he swallows again, and his free hand fumbles at the bedside table for the glass of water he keeps there.

It runs down his throat cool and soothing, and the glass only rattles a little when Loki sets it back down, hand shaking. How can Stark have no idea what Loki did when even _he_ can’t escape it, can’t just walk away from the Drift no matter how hard he’s tried?

It would be so much easier if Thor didn’t keep Loki in this place, didn’t make him stay where he relieves it every day and sees everyone around him doing the same - damn him!

But it’s pointless to ever blame Thor for anything, precious, golden Thor, who can never do anything wrong, who already has six Kaiju kills to his name while Loki failed his first Drift and isn’t good for anything except giving Thor a reason to keep fighting.

Loki would kill thousands of people if he left now, because Thor would follow him. Thor would put Loki before everything else, even his own copilot, even the poor defenseless coastline and everybody living on it.

And these bastards still have the _gall_ to think that Thor is the _perfect_ soldier, their shining _hero_ , when they also know that he’s only here because Loki is. 

_So if you hate them that much, why haven’t you left them to their fate? Why haven’t you already stolen Thor away?_

Loki scoffs. Being alone with Thor, without even the buffer of a few thousand people between them and Thor’s focus on Rogers? Loki wouldn’t survive a week. 

He shakes his head and lies back on his bunk. For once, Thor isn’t rambling at him; true, it’s because he’s out in his Jaeger, like as not getting himself killed. But Loki can’t _do_ anything about that from here - and, really, he’s completely given up worrying about Thor, he _always_ comes back, truly - and he shouldn’t waste his Thor-free time thinking about him.

Yes, he can waste it on Tony Stark, instead.

Tony Stark…

The ragged t-shirt and the oil-stained jeans as if proper work gear isn't good enough for him, the styled beard that must take him half an hour to shave every morning, the damn _lust_ in his eyes when he looked at Loki like he didn’t even know what Loki has done, what he _is_ …

How can Stark not know what Loki did to Barton? _Everyone_ knows, Loki has bathed in their hate for over a year now. Can Stark truly be so entirely drawn to his work that he doesn’t hear a word said about anything else?

_And how fast will he turn away when he does hear about it?_

Loki thought he’d learned to deal with the total disgust of every single person around him, minus Thor, and to some extent, Rogers, who’s got all of Thor’s memories and can’t bring himself to treat Loki like the brutal monster he is and settles for simply avoiding him wherever humanly possible. Loki wears armor made out of their hatred, hates them back just as much, and it’s enough that he doesn’t need or _want_ anything else.

And Tony Stark threw a cheap pickup line and a few vague compliments Loki’s way and he fell on them like a starving man on scraps. Stark’s eyes were bright with his wide, breathtaking smile, and Loki wasn’t able to see a single thing that said it was fake. Even the casual way he forgot Loki’s name almost as soon as he heard it holds appeal, because it was as though it really didn’t trip a memory at all, like he really hadn’t ever heard of what Loki did to Barton. 

Like when he said it was _no skin off my nose, I’m purely hardware_ , he meant it.

Loki pauses. Oh, no. No.

If Stark really doesn’t care about anything except his tech, he won’t care about what Loki did - but he also won’t care about _Loki._ If Loki takes him up on his offer, he’ll be nothing but a nice pair of legs and a willing mouth to fuck, that’s it, just like everyone else in this place. But Loki does have value - if he helps out with the _hardware_ , Stark was very pleased about that, and _that’s_ when he asked for Loki’s name, when Loki got stuck into the project with him.

Loki shouldn’t be disappointed, because Tony Stark is clearly trouble, has a reputation for screwing anything that stands still for long enough and is half-mad with the time he spends in that workshop, not sleeping, not eating, doing nothing but working on his Jaegers. The man can’t even take care of himself, so _Loki_ wouldn’t have gotten anything from him in that regard. 

Besides, he’s better on his own, and stopping this - whatever it is that Loki wants from Stark - before it can begin is for the best. Loki can’t be trusted to get close to other people, Drifting with Barton proved that. Loki’s like a plague, a virus. He’s evil and inhuman and poison, and he doesn’t need a Drift to be the kind of person that would annihilate someone’s mind just so he could keep his own secrets.

And he won’t kill Stark by letting him in. He’ll go back to the workshop and help where he can, win more smiles from Stark, and anyway he’s sick of feeling useless, but he’ll go no further. There’s going to be nothing but tech discussed between them.

That’s it.

Stark’s the best thing that’s happened to Loki in years and he’s not going to ruin this by getting greedy.


	2. Chapter 2

“What the hell did you _do?_ My god, you don’t even need the damn Kaijus, you just trash my babies all by yourself, what _happened?_ ”

 _Eagle Lightning_ ’s beefy blond pilot scratches the back of his neck roughly, helmet hanging from his other hand, and shrugs. “ _Hydra_ twisted the left leg. The harness was damaged.”

“ _Damaged?_ ” Tony stares at the warped, torn metal leading down from the conn-pod to _Eagle_ ’s body, the ripped-up and red-splattered braces where the pilot’s legs fit. “Hey, I didn’t say you could bleed here, mister!”

Tony yelps as he’s yanked up by his collar and chokes against the pressure on his neck before he’s dumped on his feet and the pilot’s face is an inch from his and massively pissed off. “ _I_ am not hurt. Steven is. Steven has two broken legs and will not walk for weeks.”

Tony’s indrawn breath feels cold.

_Shit._

If Tony had managed to perfect the safety release designed for _exactly_ this, breaking the reverse transmission, then this wouldn’t have happened, this Steven guy wouldn’t be hurt and _Eagle_ would still have two pilots and if they’re attacked again his babies are useless without their pilots and all the people who die will be on Tony’s head and his stupid inadequate tech. 

Again.

_I need a drink._

He’ll have to sell his soul (again) to the mild yet terrifying redhead who runs the best still in the place, but Tony Stark never settles for anything less than the best, and he knows he can work while blind drunk on her brews but he’s not going to take the chance on shit he’s never tried.

He’ll send a minion for a bottle of whatever the hell it is that she makes, kick the blond out of his baby and start fixing her up. He’ll get that goddamn safety release right this time and at least reinforce the pilot harnesses and replace the transmission rods with something with more tensile strength, find a way to compromise with the weight, or maybe he can get carbon nanotubes to do what the math says they’re capable of, never mind that a thousand materials engineers have failed before him - there’s got to be something he can do because otherwise he’s just as desperate and powerless as everybody else in this place and Tony Stark will never ever be powerless again.

“Okay, I get it. I’ll fix it. Now put me down and let me do my job!”

The pilot jerks his hand away from Tony’s throat like he’s covered in poison ivy or something. “If you need my help, I’ll be with Steven in Medical.” He says it as uninvitingly as possible and kind of _growls_ before turning around and marching out.

Tony just grabs a headtorch, radios the techs outside and tells them to kill all power, and then climbs down into the machinery to get a personal look at his latest failure.

He’ll work all night and probably all of tomorrow too and he won’t be fit to be human when he finishes, but nobody treats him like he’s human anyway, so what’s it matter?

~

There’s a loud metal bang and Loki struggles upright, hunches his shoulder and ducks his head so he’ll be at least a little prepared this time, and he blinks the sleep out of his eyes to see - oh, only Thor, standing by the open door in rumpled clothes and stinking of sweat even from across the room, face gray and exhausted.

But definitely alive.

“I did not give you permission to invade my room with your stench. Go shower.”

Thor just shakes his head and all but collapses into the chair, reaching out to push the door shut with his foot. It bangs again and Loki glares, but Thor looks so exhausted it’d just be cruel to complain right now.

Even if he does really stink.

“Steven’s hurt. I’ve been with him since we got back. They finally finished the surgery.”

Loki sighs and looks away for a moment, gathering his strength. _Do not kill Thor, do not lose your patience, do not say anything except_ mm-hm, tell me more, _do not make things worse._ Thor’s having doubts again and duty calls, not that anyone will ever thank Loki for saving thousands of lives by cheering Thor up and sending him back out to fight the good fight. “Badly?”

Thor wipes the sweat off his forehead and stays leaning on that hand, elbow propped on the table. “Yes. The doctors say he’ll be fine, but his recovery will take weeks, and until then we’re grounded unless I can find another pilot for _Eagle_. Dammit, Loki, what if another Kaiju comes through? _Avenger_ ’s fine, and Clint and Natasha are good, but she doesn’t have the same punch that we do…”

Loki makes a vaguely soothing noise and holds his hands out to Thor like calming a wild animal. “It’ll be alright.”

“I don’t know…” Thor’s shoulders slump and Loki feels himself shiver. He’s never seen Thor look this defeated before. God, they _did_ kill the Kaiju, right?

They must have; Thor would never come back while one was still alive, not even if Rogers died. If anyone can handle solo combat, it’s damn perfect flawless superhuman Thor. 

Thor sighs and lifts his head, and meets Loki’s eyes and doesn’t look away. “You’re a trained pilot.”

“ _No._ No, no, don’t look at me like that.”

“Yes! Loki, listen.” Thor leans forward, all earnest like this is anything resembling a good idea. “If the Breach opens before Steven’s better, you’ll copilot with me, won’t you?”

“No!”

Thor growls and his hands form into fists by his sides, and Loki sucks in a deep breath and feels himself go tense and wary even though he _knows_ Thor will never hit him - he’s just seen that look and those hands on too many others. “Loki, the numbers say we’re compatible. I can _feel_ that we are. I'm only paired with Steven because you refused point-blank to even try Drifting with me!”

Yes, and that led Loki to be paired with Barton. How can Thor even ask Loki to risk doing the same thing to him? Loki cannot surrender himself - he doesn’t know how, and never has - and he will smother Thor just as much as he did Barton.

Not to mention the bigger problem. Loki’s different, Loki’s not really a member of Thor’s family, their whole _connection_ is nothing but a lie. He’d never be able to merge himself with Thor even if he knew how to let himself merge with anyone.

And Thor can never, ever, be allowed to find out exactly how much Loki loves him.

Most days, he loves Thor more than he hates him, and that’s a lot. Most days, he’s grateful for Thor’s pigheaded insistence that Loki couldn’t be kicked out of the Shielddome because Thor needed him there. Most days, he’s glad to receive one friendly smile, even if Thor would give that same smile to anyone. 

But he spits and kicks and pushes Thor away, because he’s too scared of taking him over like he did Barton. It’s the same reason Loki’s staying away from Stark. Loki is an awful human being, and he’s not going to corrupt anyone else. He’s learned his lesson. If he loves Thor then the best thing for him is to keep clear as much as possible. But Thor would never believe that, and he’d get closer and then too close and Loki would ruin him.

“I don’t care what the numbers say. I won’t have anyone in my head. Besides, I washed out before I finished training and I haven’t so much as touched a Jaeger in over a year. Go find someone else who can actually do what you’re asking.”

Thor shakes his head, straggly hair smacking him in the face, before he stands up and crosses to Loki’s bunk. “You’ll change your mind. When the next Kaiju comes, when I _need_ you, I know you’ll change your mind. Budge up, I’m tired.”

“Thor, no-”

Thor falls forward and Loki barely gets himself out of the way in time. Thor’s bulk hits the mattress hard and the whole room quivers. His open mouth is mashed into Loki’s pillow, his sweaty clothes are all over Loki’s bedding and he hasn’t even bothered to take his boots off. 

Loki scowls and lifts Thor’s feet into bed for him, seeing as the big oaf can’t even manage to sleep properly by himself. Most days he loves Thor more than he hates him; today is not one of those days.

He makes sure to slam the door as loudly as possible on his way out.

~

Christ, it really was all Tony’s fault.

Well, everything is always his fault, he’s the one in charge, he’s the one who designed the first ever one of these, and he’s the one who takes the blame, but _this_ time it really was him.

There’s no way that harness was ever strong enough for this job, Jesus, what was he _thinking?_ God, they’re lucky that pilot’s legs weren’t cut right through by the tearing metal, lucky that he didn’t bleed to death before the big guy got them back to base. Aluminum and silicon, _fuck_ , so it was light enough but he should _never_ have missed that it couldn’t stand the strain, and just because it had held up fine in the Mark Threes was no excuse, the Mark Four was bigger and stronger and heavier, way more power and tension running around there-

He’s got to tear them all down before somebody else gets hurt - his fingers are stiff and cold with the work but he makes them type anyway, gets out a memo to the techs that the Mark Four aluminum-silicon harness skeletons need to be inspected right the fuck now and they’ll all be replaced with something that can actually do the job.

Fuck, his head hurts, but he can’t stop now, he’s not done, and the next Kaiju could come at any time, because Foster knows how the Breach _works_ but she still hasn’t found a prediction algorithm. He’s got to work, can’t kill somebody else or there’ll be no _room_ left for the ghosts to lurk over his shoulders, it’s pretty crowded there already.

“What the hell do I think I’m doing here?”

“At a-”

“ _Jesus!_ ” Tony’s head snaps up and he shoves himself away from the desk. “What-”

Oh. It’s Tall, Pale, and Handsome. That’s sort of okay, then. He’s still appeared out of goddamn nowhere, but at least he’s welcome here. 

“I thought I told you to knock?”

Loki shrugs elegantly. “I did.”

“Really?”

A wide, white grin that Tony wants to kiss into slack incoherence. “No.”

Loki’s perched on a table swinging his legs again, folded over each other at the ankle, making him look even more thin and streamlined like he needs help in that department. “As I was saying. At a guess, saving hundreds of thousands of lives.”

“Yeah, saving them. Sure. You know how many people have died because of my work here? My babies kill everyone who can’t get out of the way fast enough. Wreck powerlines and water mains and homes. You know how many families could be fed for a year off half my budget? And before _this_ …”

_Here is the line, we don’t cross it!_

“Before this, what?”

Loki’s voice is soft and gentle, inviting confidence like he’d listen to everything Tony cared to pour out. But if Loki’s somehow managed to escape the knowledge, Tony’s not about to clue him in to what a godawful human being he used to be. “Maybe later.”

“Ah.” The syllable contains absolute buckets of meaning - that yes, Loki will ask again later, that he’s worked out there’s a pretty weighty backstory here, and that’s he’s not put off by the idea at all.

Loki clears his throat quietly. “What are you working on?”

Tony drops his head to the table, not hard, just lets himself break down for half a second before he sucks it up and straightens in his seat, and waves a hand through the hologram to expand it so Loki can see from where he’s sitting. “Two things. Firstly, _Eagle_ ’s fucked up to hell and back and I’m coordinating instructions for the crews repairing her. That’s okay, not like she’s never been banged up before, it’s just those guys out there are idiots and I hate trusting them with my baby. But much worse secondly, I’ve built the Mark Four pilot harnesses out of the wrong fucking alloy and I’ve got to strip them down and find something to replace them with before I break someone else’s legs. It’s just there’s already so much _weight_ in those things - even _Eagle_ ’s pilots, jeez, have you _seen_ them? I have to up the power output by five percent every time the mess serves steak for dinner! Seriously, you’d think they could lose a couple of pounds for the sake of saving the world.”

“I can’t decide if you’re an idiot or so self-absorbed you never notice anything else but yourself.”

“Hey!” Tony looks up and fake-glowers at Loki. “I called you pretty, okay, so I’m not an idiot and I’m not _that_ self-obsessed!”

Loki’s mouth drops open a little and those sculpted eyebrows go up. “When did you call me pretty?”

Yesterday, right, he did, didn’t he? Or… “It may have been only in my head.”

“Ah.” Loki smirks. “Case in point.”

“Hey!”

It makes Loki smile, wide and happy and laughing silently, and oh god Tony wonders what it’ll take to make Loki actually laugh. He _wants_ , he wants this guy so much, he’s smart and gorgeous and he’s not put off by Tony being who he is, though it’s possible that anything under ten minutes of contact isn’t enough to notice Tony’s catastrophic character defects. 

_So this is what infatuation feels like._

Loki’s lips relax a little, but they’re still definitely turned up at the corners. “You’ll forgive me if this is a stupid question, but if you know what you must do, where is the dilemma? Surely there is a material both light and strong enough for your needs, and if not, there must be other solutions. What has you so worked up?”

“It’s not doing the work, you’re right, _doing_ work isn’t the problem. It’s that I _didn’t_ do the work the first time, my babies have an inherent design flaw and if that Kaiju was the slightest bit stronger or closer or whatever then the pilot would have been ripped in _half_. Bad enough that _Eagle’_ s grounded for the next two months. I could have killed that guy! I could have killed any of them! _Avenger_ ’s got the same flaw, thank god _Hulk_ ’s a Mark Three, it’s okay for those, they break further down the line. But dammit, I could have-”

“Shh.” Loki’s right there in Tony’s space, and his hand wraps Tony’s wrist, steady and grounding, skin cool against Tony’s. His fingers are long and thin but Tony can feel the strength in them; he’s not sure he could break Loki’s grip and it’s obvious he’s not even trying. “It’s equally true to say that if the Kaiju had been just a little weaker, everything would have been fine. There’s no call to give yourself more blame than you must.”

“Why not? I’ve already got plenty.”

“Then you hardly need more, do you?”

Loki’s tone is a mixture of reasonableness and bitter anger, and Tony turns to him to see his eyes downcast and his lower lip pulled harshly under his teeth, and he knows.

“What’d you do?”

Loki’s eyes flicker to Tony’s; they’re a deep, verdant green and dear god but Tony is painting the next Jaeger in that color. “You are sure you don’t know?”

Tony rolls his eyes. “Not a mind reader. All I know is that you’re speaking from experience when you say I should let the extra guilt go. And I think you’ve tried and you haven’t caught the trick to it yet, but I’m not swearing to that.”

“Almost. This guilt _is_ all mine. There is nothing to give away.”

“Sure about that?”

“ _Yes._ ” Loki rips his hand from Tony’s wrist and strides a couple steps away, back of his hand pressed to his mouth like he’s got to physically stop himself from saying anything else. He breathes hard for a few moments, shit, what’s Tony done to him, before he lowers his hand slowly. “Yes,” he repeats, calmer and convinced. 

Tony doesn’t even _know_ this guy, not really, but he reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder anyway. He can recognize another tortured soul when he sees one, and whatever happened to him before he showed up in Tony’s workshop with clever ideas and a smile to die for, it wasn’t fun. “I gotcha.”

“I… No.” Loki slips away from Tony’s hand and starts heading for the door. “I’m sorry. I should go.”

“Wait!” Tony’s run after him and caught his hand before he notices he’s done it. “You don’t have to. If you’re having a moment you can just sit on a table behind me and I’ll pretend not to notice.” He smiles weakly and tries to get one out of Loki. “Hey, self-obsessed idiot here. It’s as good as total privacy.”

Loki doesn’t quite make it to a smile, technically, but it’s a near thing. He’s still looking away but he’s also still here, and when Tony lifts his hand and pulls him back, he comes.

He guides Loki to the empty table he commandeered yesterday, and Loki leans against it and lifts his hips up to sit, legs hanging over the edge. Tony roots through the mess on his own bench, finds a box of tissues, and drops it without comment by Loki’s hand.

And then he turns his back and goes on working like Loki’s not even there.

Because he knows how it feels to want somebody to _know_ , but to also want to never _tell_ them. 

~

For all Loki’s reputation as a liar, he’s never lied to himself like this.

He _swore_ he’d stay away from Tony Stark.

The man’s compelling and arrogant and a genius and an idiot, he swears and rambles and builds wonders and all it took was a grand total of ten minutes in Loki’s company to know exactly where he keeps his secrets. By all rights he should be the most awful person Loki’s ever laid eyes on, he should want to never go near this workshop again, even if there _is_ a Kaiju attack and everybody’s glaring at him for being useless in a time of crisis and he just needs somewhere _else_ to be.

_But you’re worse than useless, you almost killed Barton, almost killed all the people he’s saved-_

He stifles his sob and Stark’s shoulders tense under his stupid t-shirt, but he doesn’t turn around or even stop working, and Loki’s too pathetically grateful for words. 

His eyes linger on Stark’s form. The lines of his body are efficient and compactly muscular; his strength wouldn’t be unexpected like Loki’s. Loki’s all but skeletal, too thin for his height and too tall for his weight, stretched out and pale and strange, but Stark’s body suits him. His fingers are callused with years of hard work, his arms toned and firm, muscle that’s necessary, not put on for appearances. He’s shorter than Loki by a good few inches, but it only makes him look fiercer, as though he’s been concentrated somehow. 

And Loki wants him.

Oh, Loki wants, wants somebody who might touch him with gentle hands, caress him even, say nice things about him in a kind, sincere voice, lay him down and press kisses along his jaw, all the things he’s never had from his anonymous one-night stands. Loki wants to feel wanted, and he knows Stark wants him. It would be so easy to smile and run a finger along the inside of his collar and suggest that Stark comfort him in his distress, but Loki can’t.

Loki won’t get close to him. He won’t lose what he’s got here. Stark has never once looked at Loki sideways or sneered or spat in his face, and the tranquility in this workshop is far, far too valuable to risk by letting Stark in. Stark’s already too good a friend to have a single night with; Loki wouldn’t be able to stop himself from feeling, from asking for more. And then he’d have to tell Stark his secret sometime, or someone would tell Stark for him, and either way Stark wouldn’t want him by the end.

Loki shakes his head and digs his fingernails into his palms punishingly. Stark wouldn’t want anything serious with Loki anyway, and Loki shouldn’t want it with him. Stark is _awful_ , he’s a drunk and a sleaze - he’s slept with half the Shielddome, even Loki knows that - he doesn’t care about anything except his work and himself. It’s just Loki’s bad luck that every once in a while he chooses to be _nice_. 

So Loki will take advantage of the nice. He’ll use Stark for all the nice he’s got, make it last, and when it finally runs out he’ll just move on. Or back.

He’s survived constant hatred for a year already; he’ll be able to swallow it again.

And it’s not like he doesn’t deserve it.

_Damn!_

His eyes are hot and screwed shut and his teeth are clenched to keep the tears back, his head bent down and hidden against his chest, and his fingers are gripping the edge of the table so hard they might break. He wants Stark’s hand on his again, wants him to ask what’s wrong, to airily claim that it can’t be worse than anything he’s ever done, it’s impossible to shock him, spill it out, wants that to actually be _true_. Wants to tell someone his side of the story for once, that he didn’t mean to and he’s sorry and he was doing it to himself just as much as Barton. He’s never told anyone that before and they haven’t worked it out, but maybe Stark would understand, maybe…

_I’m strictly hardware._

No, he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t care, wouldn’t listen. That’s not the man Stark is, and Loki cannot let himself build his image up into some idol. Stark is flawed and self-centered, and human, and Loki won’t touch him. He’ll just use the workshop as sanctuary until he’s pulled together enough to walk back to his room - except that Thor’s still passed out on his bunk, so he’s stuck here.

_What am I going to do?_

“Okay, come on, there has _got_ to be a way to have a unidirectional safety break that won’t _kill someone_ , how hard can it _be_ , there are safety breaks in _lanyards_ , for Christ’s sake, why can’t there be one in a fuckton of hydraulics?”

Loki glances up; Stark is blurred through his tears, but still bright and bold. Loki blinks the water away and looks again. Stark’s hands move swiftly in his agitation, and his voice is loud and harsh but so _real_ , so unrestrained and genuine. There is Loki’s answer for the taking. No more despairing over things he cannot change; he will have enough of that when he loses Stark in the end. He should not poison the time he has now. He is going to sit here and talk through Stark’s work with him, going to be helpful and wanted and welcome. Maybe Stark will call him a genius again. Maybe he’ll smile. 

Oh, he is beautiful when he smiles.

Loki clears his throat, and Stark stops mid-sentence and spins around to face him. “Tell me more about these hydraulics.”

Stark grins fit to melt Loki’s heart.

~

“What do you mean, the human element? I’m building a giant robot leg.”

“Yes, but it still has human pilots. You cannot make it any heavier than they can operate. And that gives you a limit for the overall weight, which defines the ratios of the metals in the alloy. Am I right?”

“Well, that-” is _all_ true, and _all_ obvious, to somebody who doesn’t believe that engineering is everything, somebody who remembers that there are _real people_ involved. Because Tony knows all the relevant statistics for the pilots, their weights and measurements and combat styles and strengths so he can build the Jaeger around them, but it’s not like he knows their names or anything. They’re just more numbers. 

But they’re the important numbers, the external limits - Tony can make his hardware do pretty much anything he wants, with enough coaxing, but no amount of crafty screwdriver work will make _Eagle’_ s pilots capable of handling anything above, oh, about eleven percent tungsten with this volume.

It’s so clever and it just makes the whole system work, and he could kiss Loki if he knew he’d be welcome but he’s got no idea, Loki hasn’t said _no_ but he hasn’t said _yes_ either, so Tony’s going to wait on that.

He plucks a packet of dried raspberries out of the debris on his desk instead, rips the top off and holds it out. “You are a goddamn genius.”

Loki grins, sharp and wide, and unfolds a hand from where it’s curled around the edge of the table he’s still sitting on and dips his long white fingers into the packet, folds them up and pulls them back.

The berry is bright red against Loki’s pale skin, and he raises it to his lips and pops the fruit inside, and Tony can’t help it if he licks his own lips hunting the taste of raspberry. Which, of course, isn’t there, but it _would_ be on Loki’s and how long can Tony keep this up before he embarrasses himself to new levels even for him?

Loki swallows, cheeks hollowing, and nods back at Tony’s model. “So, what’s next?”

“Well, I know the maximum percentage of tungsten I can have but that still gives me a fairly wide range to pick from, I need to run some sims and find the optimum, probably fairly boring, unless you want a lesson in my computer systems.”

Loki just nods and leans forward a little, doesn’t get off the table, but hey, that’s _his_ table by now and Tony’s used to seeing him on it, so it works. 

He pulls up the holographic interface. “Okay, here we go, fairly simple program, just got to know the language…”

The workshop door bangs open but Tony doesn’t even turn around, it’s probably just one of his crew who can’t do anything on their own and need guidance from the master, the dumbass. 

“… most important thing - fundamental principle of computing - is to get your instructions right because they’re obedient to whatever you _tell_ them and they don’t care if you tell them the wrong thing, they’ll do it anyway, so-”

“Get out.”

Fury?

What the _fuck_ is Fury doing here and how _dare_ he throw Tony out of his _own workshop-_

Tony spins around to fold his arms and send Fury his most withering glare. “Don’t you _ever_ say that to me again, Cyclops, this is _my_ shop and I’m the king here, that was the deal-”

“Not talking to you.”

Fury turns to Loki.

Loki’s gone pale and his eyes are wide but he lifts his chin like of course he’s not going to listen to Fury’s orders, and then he smirks and slips from the table and heads for the door, arrogance in every stride like he’s doing them a favor.

But it also looks like running with his tail between his legs.

“Hold on, wait-”

Loki shakes his head and keeps going, moves _faster_ like he’s afraid Fury will physically kick him out if he doesn’t, and _what the hell_ is the problem here? “ _Fury-_ ”

“Why have you given orders to pull the Mark Four harnesses?”

“Why-” Why can’t Loki stay for this, that’s what Tony wants to know, it’s not like Fury is trying to protect his dignity by chewing him out in private. “Because they’re completely unsafe and almost killed a pilot today, that’s why. I’ve got a titanium-tungsten alloy that could work instead, it’s a bit heavier than I’d like but I can amp up the conn-pod arc reactors with another day, that’s all I’d need and the refit will only take three hours with two crews on each Jaeger, it’ll be easy-”

Fury holds up a hand. “Shut it, Stark,” and Tony does before Fury decides to make his silence permanent. “Here’s how things work. You give us Jaegers and we turn a blind eye to all your fucking around - don’t think I don’t know you’ve cleaned out Potts’s still again - but you _do not_ take two-thirds of our fleet offline without one word to me!”

Tony looks away, doesn’t need to know about _another_ screwup, of-fucking-course he should have called Fury first, god knows what’ll happen if a Kaiju comes through right now. “ _Hulk_ ’s enough to take down any one Kaiju and there’s only been one double event before and I can get both _Avenger_ and _Eagle_ back online in twenty-four hours-”

Fury jabs his finger into Tony’s chest and the impact feels like being shot and Tony staggers before he catches his balance. “I swear to God, I will stake you out as Kaiju bait if you don’t keep up every single word of our bargain.”

It’s terrifying because Fury means it but it’s also nothing Tony hasn’t heard before, he knows he’s only alive because he’s useful and that something he used to take so much pride in is now the only reason the guys he’s saving don’t turn around and shoot him. “I know. Now back the fuck off and let me do my job!”

Fury rakes his eye over him one more time before he steps away and turns for the door, and Tony slowly sighs out his relief, cool and controlled but needing to let something go. He’s still alive. That’s one more day.

“Oh, and whatever you’re doing with Odinson, it stops. Now.”

“Huh? Who’s Odinson?”

Fury stops and whirls back around and glares. “That bastard I just kicked out of here.”

“Oh, _Loki_ \- yeah, there’s a point, what the hell have you got against Loki?”

Fury’s eye bulges like it’s going to burst out of his head. “That man put one of my best pilots down for two months and almost cost us an entire crew.”

“Huh?” Sure, Loki’s obviously got some power to him, but he doesn’t seem the kind to pick fights or even to finish them, considering how he slunk away from Fury just now. Are they talking about the same Loki?

Fury folds his arms. “Okay, I’ll speak your language. Remember when I had you pull the entire neural net from _Avenger_ after its first run? He’s the one that made it necessary.”

Oh, god-

 _Loki’s_ the one that Tony fucked over with the faulty net - or, well, one of two, because the Drift goes both ways, but he doesn’t know who the other one is and he does know Loki, and all this time Tony’s been sitting here chatting nice and friendly and he didn’t even know he ruined Loki’s life.

He messed up the failsafes again, wasn’t prepared for the full-on range of human mental abilities, didn’t anticipate how uneven a Drift could get and didn’t bother to try stopping it if it slid out of alignment too far, he _let_ that horror happen and those two pilots didn’t come of the Drift the same as they went in, and it was all Tony’s fault.

And he did it to _Loki._

“Now you get it.”

Tony glances up to see Fury smirking nastily, all mean triumph. He gives Tony a nod and turns and walks away. 

Fury’s through the door but he leaves it hanging wide open, and Tony runs after him to grab the locking wheel and push it shut.

Fury passes Loki down the corridor and Loki’s leaning back against the wall, posed casually but also as far from Fury as he can get and it looks so _wrong_. Then Fury’s gone and then Loki breathes out a slow breath and looks up to meet Tony’s eyes and he smiles, just a little-

And god, but Tony can’t bear to look at that smile knowing what he did.

He ducks away and shoves the door shut and spins the wheel as tight as it will go.

~

Loki isn’t sure whether his heart is pounding in his panic or has stopped entirely. He can’t breathe, can’t think - there’s only the cold hardness in Stark’s eyes as he turned away, the silence loud and heavy in Loki’s ears. His hands ache from pounding on the door, begging Stark to open it, but not a word came from the other side and finally Loki gave in. 

He slides a little further down the wall, folding to the floor, cold and shaking and numb. He knew this was coming, knew Stark would find out the truth one day, but he didn’t expect this. Not so soon. And he thought Stark would at least let him explain, let him tell his side of the story - that, somehow, Stark wouldn’t be like every other person in this place. 

Loki is a damned fool, and should never have let this get so far.

_So far? I met the man yesterday!_

But damn it all, he _likes_ Stark.

Stark is clever and quick and amusing, and he treats Loki like he’s worth something and he’s made Loki laugh more than he has for a year-

But not anymore.

Stark’s found out and he doesn’t want Loki near him, and that’s the end of it. No more smiles, no more easy compliments, no more sharing of confidences. Even if Loki got back in, he’d only get the same vitriol that everyone else throws his way.

He sighs, and scrubs his hands through his hair. Enough moping; it’s not like he’s never lost everything before. He picked himself up after the Drift, and he’ll come back from this, too. He doesn’t have another choice.

It was a few hours with a half-mad engineer who used him as a sounding board and wanted to get in his pants. Loki doesn’t care about that at all. He won’t miss him. He won’t let himself.

No more.

Thor’s commandeered Loki’s room; he’ll go sleep in Thor’s, and serve the stupid oaf right if Loki messes with all of his things and takes up his entire hot water ration.

And this time he means it when he promises himself he’ll stay the hell away from Tony Stark.


	3. Chapter 3

Tony’s head is spinning and he hasn’t slept in forty-eight hours, but _Avenger_ and _Eagle_ are fighting-fit for duty. His crews have actually done a halfway decent job this time, getting _Eagle_ ’s combat damagefixed up and replacing the harnesses while Tony designed the amplifiers for the arc reactors, and he passes around handshakes and shoulder clasps and a sneaky bottle in a paper bag that makes steam come out of the newbies’ ears when they take a gulp. 

But they’re loud and chaotic and in _his_ space and Tony can’t deal with this right now, so he makes sure morale is high enough that he won’t have to deal with a mutiny before he’s slept and then he nicks out to the tiny alcove at the back of the workshop where he goes when he can’t stand having people in it anymore. 

He’s clutching the empty bottle in one hand as he sinks to the floor, and leans his head back against the wall. It’s vibrating faintly but it seems to stroke his headache instead of rattling it around, and he sighs and tilts his face up to catch the drifts of air from the ceiling vent. 

He rolls the bottle across the floor slowly, and it disappears through the still-open door and Tony smirks to see it go. He’s not completely hopeless after all, he’s nice and generous and makes sure _all_ of his crew gets a drink before he touches it, and he’s so good at math there wasn’t a drop left when that fucking idiot Justin finished with it.

So he’s completely sober, which he would be proud of, if only he’d remembered _before_ sitting down that this back room is where he keeps his emergency stash.

His hand finds the cooler in the floor by his side, pops it open, grabs a bottle, cracks the cap off against the edge of the cooler lid, and raises it to his lips. It burns going down and it’s fucking acid by the time it hits his stomach and he gets cramps almost immediately, but then the sick edge leaves his exhaustion and he’s just kind of nicely fuzzy. 

He hates every one of those idiots out there.

Well, no. He has to admit that even he can’t build a Jaeger single-handedly, and if they’re Tony’s babies then they’re his crew’s nieces and nephews, and some of them do show vague amounts of promise.

But, fuck it, he misses Loki.

He misses the buckets of common sense and strange ideas that no engineer would think of, giving Tony something new to work with, an element he can’t generate himself. He misses the bright, quick mind that understood every one of Tony’s explanations, and came back for more. The way he sounds like he learned English from studying Shakespeare. Hell, even the quiet, muffled sobs that reminded Tony that he isn’t the only one who sometimes just needs to cry.

And all that time, Loki was a walking corpse and Tony pulled the trigger.

He holds up the drink, mockingly triumphant at his colossal failure. “To Loki. Sorry I fucked you over.”

He wraps his lips around the cool glass and glugs the liquor down-

And the vent in the ceiling goes _thunk_ and disappears.

Okay, what exactly is in this stuff?

Tony puts the bottle down carefully and eyes the hole in the ceiling before slim legs drop down, followed by an entire body, landing neatly on the floor and straightening up, and _fuck,_ perfectly tailored slacks and that damn green shirt and long black hair and deliciously pale skin, and Loki’s thin lips are snarling and his hands are clenched by his sides. “You lied.”

That’s not fair, he really is sorry. “Huh?”

Loki shakes his head and half-laughs bitterly. “You said you _only_ cared about hardware, but that’s not true. You wouldn’t be in this much pain if you did.”

“Who said I’m in pain?”

The black eyebrow arches in a skeptical parabola. “You’re drinking and confessing to the air. It doesn’t take a genius to work it out, which, you assured me, I am.”

Loki pauses and licks his lips slowly, and it’s not seductive - not deliberately, anyway - it just seems to be a nervous habit, and Tony knows he’s got his tics, so he can’t judge, but why does Loki’s have to be so… _that?_

“I was fully prepared to not forgive you for what you did. What you were. Just like everyone else. But then… you apologized. You regret. No-one else has ever questioned their hatred of me. And if you can give _me_ a second chance, surely I can give you one.”

Regret? Hell yes, he regrets, he ruined this before it even started, cost himself any chance of _anything_ with Loki - and he wants everything, fucking his ass isn’t enough anymore, Tony wants ideas and that sharp smile and the way his hands unfold when he’s reaching for something - and if he’d only done his work right the first time, he could have had this.

But he didn’t. So he can’t.

“I thought hallucinations were supposed to be comforting.”

Loki gives an annoyed hiss like escaping steam. “You - stop talking.” He strides right up to Tony, bends down and gives him a glimpse of his chest through the open collar of his shirt - toned, flat, Loki works out - and then the bottle’s in Loki’s hand and he’s standing up again and putting it out of Tony’s reach. “You’re going to kill yourself like this.”

Tony sticks up a finger to make his point with; it wobbles a little and his hand is about to fall back down any second, but it looks dramatic enough. “The _Kaiju_ are going to kill us.”

“Then you don’t need to help them, do you?”

Tony smiles at the memory of Loki saying nearly the same thing a couple days ago - but that’s all it’s meant to be, a memory, and hallucinations don’t generally move things around the room. Which means that… dammit, it really _is_ Loki, and Tony rolls his head back to meet Loki’s eyes and slur out the apology to his face. “’m sorry. Fucked up your Jaeger. Your Drift. Oops.”

Loki shakes his head and lowers himself to the floor opposite Tony. “What are you talking about?”

“Fury said you had a bad Drift in _‘Venger_?”

Loki goes very, very still, muscles bulging with how tightly he’s wrapped his arms around his legs, pressed hard to his chest. “Yes. I piloted her. Once.”

“My fault. Neural net didn’t have the right failsafe.”

“I don’t understand.”

God, how plain does he want Tony to make it? How often does he have to make lists of every fuck-up he’s ever committed? “Drift wasn’t balanced. Alignment went off the scale. Should’ve had a failsafe to shut it down. Didn’t. Sorry.”

Loki throws his head back and fucking _laughs,_ high and disbelieving. “Oh, Stark… _That’s_ why you…” The laughs dissolve into gasps for air and he shakes a bit where he sits. “Tell me, have you ever heard of hubris?”

Not this long since he last slept, he hasn’t. “Huh?”

Loki’s eyes are very, very green where they stare into Tony’s. “I warned you against shouldering guilt that isn’t yours. Who do you think unbalanced the Drift? Who do you think failed to merge with their copilot so completely that they ended up taking command of his mind instead? I enslaved Clint Barton’s will to my own, Stark. I _did_ that. I will not let you blame yourself for something you _forgot_ to do.”

“Enslaved? What is this, the middle ages? The hell are you talking about?”

Loki takes a slow, deep breath in, and closes his eyes. “I didn’t mean to do it. I swear I didn’t plan for that to happen. I just - I couldn’t give in. I couldn’t let him in. I fought him back and I kept going, took him over - Stark, I can still hear him _screaming_ …”

“Shit, slow down.” Tony crawls the few feet across the floor to sit against Loki’s wall instead, shuffles close and puts an arm around Loki’s trembling shoulders. He sees Loki wrinkle his nose and yeah, Tony could use a shower or six, but he’s not leaving now. “Start from the start, okay? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Loki turns his head to meet Tony’s eyes again. “No, you really don’t, do you? You blame your hardware for the failure, and look no further. You don’t know what I did with it.”

“So lay it out.”

Loki’s eyes slip shut and his head falls to rest on his knees. Tony moves a hand to stroke slowly through Loki’s long black hair.

“It was a little over a year ago. I was halfway through pilot training. _Eagle Lightning_ was the only Jaeger on call; _Hulk_ was still stationed up north and _Avenger_ didn’t have a crew yet. The Breach opened and _Eagle_ went to fight. The Kaiju was a Category Four, the first one, and Fury decided to send out _Avenger_ as well. He picked Barton and me out of the trainees. We had the best simulator scores, and the numbers said we were Drift compatible, barely, but enough. It wasn’t the best of situations, but people were going to die if we didn’t go.”

Loki sucks in a breath desperately and it comes out shaking, but the next one is calmer, and he relaxes a little under Tony’s hand. “It was the first time I’d ever been in a real conn-pod. I took the right side, Barton took the left. And they turned the Drift on.”

Loki shudders, just once, and Tony presses closer to his side, brings up his other arm to wrap around Loki’s legs and hold him in. “I’ve gotcha. ’S okay.”

“It felt like drowning. Like dying. I didn’t understand, I just wanted… I made it stop. I pushed him back and then kept going, like… like shutting him in a box, but so much worse than that, cramming him in and locking the lid. I just wanted my own mind back. It was truly stupid.”

“No,” Tony murmured, shaking Loki a little. “No, it’s not.”

“Oh, but it was. The Drift took us just far enough that I was already inside his head when I… I didn’t just attack him, I attacked myself. _I_ was crushed, _I_ was trapped, owned, taken over… I wasn’t myself anymore, it was everything I was trying to _stop_ so I just pushed harder and…”

“Made it worse.”

“I still don’t know what broke us out. But Barton was seizing and he didn’t wake up for a week. When I tried to tell them what had happened - to Barton and to myself - they said I pushed his neural load so far I almost killed him. I took everything he was and never gave him one chance to run or hide or fight back…”

“Dammit, stop,” Tony whispers, “stop. This wasn’t your fault.”

Loki chokes on a sob. “Liar. Don’t do that. Don’t lie to me.”

“No, listen! They forced you into something you’d barely trained for and weren’t prepared for, and you got scared and tried to protect yourself. That’s okay. But they blamed you for it, and that, Loki, that’s not okay. This wasn’t your fault. They were using you and you fought back.”

“You’re sweet. But you’re wrong. The whole Shielddome will tell you you’re wrong.”

“Oh, Christ…” The _whole_ Shielddome? Oh, hell, this is why Tony had peace and quiet while Loki was around - his minions were all avoiding Loki, because military types don’t forgive mistakes and definitely don’t forgive friendly fire, and nobody’s ever bothered to think about it and realize that Loki was just as betrayed as the other pilot. It’s much easier to blame Loki when tensions are high and there’s a massive Kaiju coming at you and you think you’re going to get a second Jaeger, and then you don’t and the pilot who walks out says he did something wrong and he’s _sorry_ but he melted his copilot’s brain and you’re all going to die.

Yeah, no wonder nobody’s ever forgiven him for what they accused him of. 

“That’s not right, Loki. This wasn’t your fault.”

“But I…”

“You were scared. You panicked. You tried to keep yourself safe. How long did it take, ten seconds? Five? An imbalance that intense couldn’t have lasted long.”

Loki’s hand shifts off his leg, and wraps itself hard in Tony’s shirt. “So there was a failsafe.”

“Failsafe? No, no, that’s just a property of the neural bridge. That’s nothing. If I’d done my job it wouldn’t have happened at all. But I made it possible. My tech, my hands.”

“Dear god, the ego on you…”

“Yeah? Well, you’re a goddamn martyr. Fuck, you don’t secretly get off on it, do you?”

_Shit, why did I say that?_

Loki snarls and rips himself away, crashing into the opposite wall and glaring. “What do you think?”

Tony’s heart lurches in his chest and he holds out his hands. “Sorry, fuck - I haven’t slept in two days, it’s been tough, ignore everything I say. Except for how this isn’t your fault. I meant that.”

“You haven’t… Stark, you _are_ going to kill yourself! What was so important that-”

Hey, that’s not right, his work _matters_ even if nothing else about him does. “Oh, how about refitting two entire Jaegers so they don’t kill their pilots!”

Loki shakes his head, looking appalled. “ _No,_ that’s not…"

“What do you care? I got the job done, okay, what’s your problem? That’s the deal, right? That’s how I earn my keep. Keep the Jaegers running-”

“ _I don’t care about the damn Jaegers!_ ”

Loki’s shout makes the walls ring and Tony feels it go through him like an electric current. Loki’s on his feet, hands in white-knuckled fists and he’s breathing hard, eyes like laser targets where they meet Tony’s. 

“I don’t - care - about - the damn - Jaegers,” Loki says again, gritting it through his teeth. “I care about _you_ , you infuriating bloody maniac. And you are going to die if you don’t accept that you need to sleep like any other human being, and I will not watch that, so you’re going to sleep.”

Tony sticks his chin out and wiggles his eyebrows. “I’ll sleep if you’ll tuck me in.”

Loki sighs, and walks up to stand in front of Tony. “Very funny.”

He grabs Tony under the arms and drags him upright without even trying, slips under Tony’s shoulder and half-carries him out of the room. There’s a blissful pool of quiet that follows them through the we-did-some-work party in the workshop, and then the quiet gets louder as they leave because it’s kind of early o’clock and there’s nobody in the halls. 

Loki strides quickly towards wherever they’re going - and Tony doesn’t know where that is, because his room is right next to the workshop and they’ve already passed it, so Loki’s practically kidnapping him. “You’re too arrogant for your own good.”

“This coming from the man who considers Jaegers his children and himself the sole architect of mankind’s destruction.”

Tony’s legs aren’t really cooperating anyway, so he’s completely innocent when he kicks Loki in the ankle.

“Ow!”

Loki’s kicked him back, the cheeky fuck. Tony limps a few steps before the extra effort isn’t worth it and he just sags into Loki’s grip.

“You are heavy.”

“Aw, you can take it.”

“That does not mean I wish to.”

Tony hesitates, because he might he making definite progress here but he’s not going to be a jerk where he’s not wanted. “Look, if I’m-”

“No, I…” Loki pauses, and focuses very intently on getting them around a corner for a moment. “Forgive me. That was rude, and I didn’t mean it. I’m just…”

He’s spent a whole year being hated by everyone he’s come into contact with, of course he’s a little acerbic. And hey, if Tony had half his brain working properly and was able to throw insults back, they’d probably have a great time slagging each other off like it was going out of style. And if they knew each other well enough to be sure that they didn’t mean a word, and could avoid problem areas. 

Anyone who calls Tony _naive_ is going to get punched in the face, and Loki being Loki, he’s got to have minefields of his own. 

They pause outside a door and Loki reaches around Tony to unlock the wheel and push it open. They stagger inside and Loki carefully unloads Tony onto the narrow single bed before he disappears and there’s the squeaking sound of the door closing and relocking. Loki pulls Tony’s work boots off and dumps them on the floor, and there’s a pause and then the softer sound of Loki’s shoes landing next to Tony’s. Then Loki’s elbow hits Tony’s ribs and Tony rolls away, and Loki slips into the space on the bed behind him, chest to Tony’s back and a firm, secure arm around his waist.

They’re both still dressed and the blankets are down by their feet, but Tony feels heavy as lead and about as animate, so he’s not doing anything, but still…

He rocks his hips back into Loki’s and feels the soft outline of his junk inside his slacks. “Thought you were _tucking me in?_ ”

Loki’s breath is shaky and his hand stutters where it’s stroking over Tony’s ribs. “I… not tonight. Another time.”

Tony grins as he snuggles down into the pillow and Loki’s body. He can be patient when the prize is this good _._

Behind him, Loki whispers as he drags the blankets over them. “Goodnight, Tony.”

~

“ _Movement in the Breach._ ”

Around Loki, the entire mess hall groans before most of them leap to their feet and start running for their duty stations. Loki just pulls his limbs in and tries not to get trampled in the rush. He’s got nowhere to be and nothing to do, and he can’t even make himself feel useful by going to _Eagle_ ’s docking bridge and wishing Thor luck. _Eagle_ ’s grounded for at least two months while Rogers heals, so Thor’s almost as pointless as Loki today.

He smirks, just a little. It’s about time Thor learned that he can’t always be the hero. 

He keeps his head high but doesn’t meet anyone’s eyes as he leaves his tray half-finished and starts heading for Tony’s workshop. He planned to give himself some space to think things through, and to make sure he didn’t look pathetically desperate, but nobody wants to be alone during a Kaiju attack, do they?

At least he can be almost certain that Tony will be glad to see him. 

“ _Two signatures. Double event._ ” 

Loki stops.

Two Kaijus? Two Kaijus against a maximum of two Jaegers, one of which is only a Mark Three, and the other has untested new hardware - not that he doubts Tony’s engineering, but the pilots don’t know how the new harness will behave, will foul up their reactions and instincts.

Loki shivers. Yes, he has to find Tony, right now, before Tony comes to the conclusion that if he’d caught the fault in the harness earlier, _Eagle_ would still have a functioning crew and Barton and Romanoff would be more comfortable with _Avenger_.

Tony can survive Loki, but Loki’s not sure he can survive himself.

He shoves someone out of his way and starts running for the workshop, and a hand grabs his arm and yanks him back-

He flinches and brings up a hand to shield his face from-

Damn, it’s _Thor._

“Brother!” he shouts. “I need your help!”

God, no, anything but that - Loki rips at Thor’s hold, trying to get away. “ _No!_ I mean it. No-one else in my head. You know what I did last time-” even if Tony says he’s not to blame and even if Loki wants to believe him, nobody can deny that he _did_ it - “I can’t do it again! Thor, _anyone_ in here would be a better copilot than me, so let me go!”

Thor’s face crumples like he really thought Loki would agree to this insanity. “But… Loki, people need you. There are _two_ Kaijus out there - Coulson says Cat Four and _Five_ , Loki, Five - we need all the strength we can get! _I_ need you!”

Loki shakes his head fiercely, and hits out at Thor’s chest. “You _don’t_. You never have! You’re clinging to sentiment that was never even real! I’m _not_ your brother and I never was, and I will kill you if you make me do this!”

It’s not a threat, it’s a warning, but it comes out sounding so wrong and Thor just _fades_ , lets go of Loki’s arm and then Loki’s running away, far and fast. He can’t face Thor, can’t deal with this, can’t save anyone because he’s useless and a failure just like everyone’s always told him. People are going to die just because he’s too afraid to trust, to let somebody else into his nightmare of a head.

But he really is protecting Thor like this, because if he Drifts again he _will_ panic and try to conquer whatever’s closest to him, will grasp for safety and shove his copilot under the water just so Loki can stay afloat, and he will not do that to Thor.

Tony will tell him. Tony will say that everything’s alright and it isn’t Loki’s fault and Thor should never have asked.

The locking wheel of Tony’s workshop is heavy and slippery under his hands, and he’s breathing so hard from his run he can barely see straight, every muscle is shaking and weak and it’s an effort just to stand, but he gets a grip somehow and spins the wheel, and all but falls through the door.

There are a handful of Tony’s crew scattered around, none standing alone, distracted and glancing up at the ceiling like the Kaijus might come crashing through at any moment. They hardly even notice him.

But - Loki scans the room again, and this time he’s certain.

Tony isn’t here.

~

“If I had an entire year - which, by the way, I don’t - I couldn’t list all the reasons that wouldn’t work.”

“Can it, Stark,” Fury growls, and stabs a finger at the printouts oozing from the main computer. Both of them, _shit_ , why did there have to be a double event _now?_ “I’m throwing everything I’ve got out there, and _somebody’s_ got to copilot _Eagle._ I’ve got to have someone who knows what that machine’s capable of, and you know it better than anyone. Now shut the hell up and get in that fucking suit!”

“Not my size. Both _Eagle_ ’s boys are about twice my height.”

Fury grinds his teeth like Tony’s deliberately being difficult, and Coulson steps up behind his shoulder. “We’ve taken your simulator apart. You’ll be in that suit. It’s designed for testing Mark Fours, it should be compatible enough.”

Fuck, _fuck_ , they’ve touched his things, how dare they take his stuff, violate his sanctuary - no, he needs to focus, that’s not important right now. “And isn’t that the order of the day,” Tony says, “compatible enough? I don’t even know this guy’s name! How the hell am I supposed to Drift with him?”

“ _Work it out_ ,” Coulson says, rigid, enforced calm starting to crack. “You’re both overconfident, the best in your field, rarely know failure but when you do it’s crushing. You’ll do.”

It’s creepy as fuck the way they boil his entire existence down like that, as though this is all that’s important. But it really is, these people don’t care about him, he’s just a body they want to use to shove their giant robot around, they’re going to stuff him in there with no idea what to expect or what to do, just like Loki.

Loki… he’d be much better off Drifting with Loki.

He doesn’t even know who _Eagle’_ s standing copilot is - just that he’s the burly blond guy in a bad temper who tossed Tony around while he was just trying to fix his baby, and Tony would not mind never meeting him again. But Loki…

He and Loki click in a way Tony thought only shitty romance novels wrote about. They just get on. He doesn’t need to know Loki’s favorite color or his star sign to know that Tony prefers it when he’s around, that Loki’s come through hell and is still standing tall, that his demons probably rival Tony’s, if not in absolute numbers then certainly in nastiness. He knows that Loki’s body is mindblowingly attractive but it’s become his _mind_ that Tony really wants, the fountain of ideas that he thinks of, how he looks at Tony’s models and makes practical, useful suggestions that _work_. Loki’s clever and Tony hasn’t met anyone capable of keeping up with him in a long, long time - mostly his crew just runs for cover when he gets going, but Loki’s perfectly happy to jump in and shove the process along. It’s like working with Bruce, but better, because Bruce is good with muscle and tissue and brains and soft squishy stuff but he doesn’t know shit about Tony’s tech. 

It’s only been three days - maybe four, he’s not sure what the calendar says but that’s about what it feels like - and he’s already heard Loki’s heartfelt confession and fallen asleep in his arms, and if Tony was a religious man he’d say God was belting him over the head to just go along with His divine plan already and admit he’s fallen ass over tit for Loki Odinson. 

And that’s as may be and Tony could really use a drink, but even if he was dumb enough to suggest Drifting with Loki after seeing exactly how little respect Fury has for Loki’s existence, Loki would never say yes. Given what happened to him and his copilot, Loki _won’t_ Drift again, and since Tony’s pretty sure Loki gives at least one fuck about him, he definitely won’t Drift with Tony.

So he’s stuck with _Eagle_ ’s non-broken copilot, whoever the hell he is, and they’re going to have no idea how to work together and they’ll probably get themselves and _Eagle_ killed.

But if they take a Kaiju down with them, it’ll be worth it.

Except for how he’ll be leaving Loki behind, but Tony can’t help that and he’d really rather not drag this into the Drift with him, so it’s best to just forget. Leave it behind and focus on the problem. 

No regrets.

But if he lives, he’s not wasting another second without Loki.

~

Loki’s vision is all gray and he’s shaking and there’s acid in his throat by the time he gets to Command, and he sees heads turn to him, the familiar curl of lips before they get back to work, and then Fury is blocking his path and Loki can’t see- “Tony, where’s Tony?”

Fury scowls. “Not here and not your business. Now get your ass off my deck.”

“Sir!”

Fury spins at Coulson’s voice and strides off, and Loki leans on a workstation and tries to breathe through the stabbing pains in his side - the workshop’s a long way from Command and he’s done almost nothing but sit on his ass for a year, no wonder he wasn’t fast enough to catch up-

“The neural bridge isn’t stable, but they’re not far enough out to break free - wait - _dammit,_ Stark’s slipping again!”

Tony?

Loki forces himself back upright and makes it across the room somehow to stare at Coulson’s screens with Fury. Both men glare at him but he’s not worth their trouble right now, because _Eagle Lightning_ ’s Drift is disintegrating and the copilots aren’t holding and their names are right at the bottom of the screen, _T. Odinson_ and _T. Stark-_

_Tony’s Drifting with Thor._

No, no! Loki can’t see, can’t breathe, can’t _think_. Tony and Thor - brains and muscle, broken and perfect, Loki’s brother and, and, _Tony_ \- no, they can’t do this, it won’t work, they’ll kill each other and Loki has to stop it, has to do something, and he _will_ , he’s going to fix this just like Tony would, he can make everything come out the way he wants like Thor always does.

His heart’s in his throat and he all but falls down the stairs along his path and his feet hurt and he can’t feel his fingers or toes and he’s dizzy, but nobody stops him and he can’t even see their stupid hateful faces, it’s like they’re not even there. His body swerves around them and he just runs, he hasn’t run this far in a whole year but nothing’s ever mattered like this, because he can _do_ something.

Loki staggers through the workshop door and flies to Tony’s bench, he’ll have everything here, he knows, there’s no way Tony won’t have spares lying around - there’s a pilot’s helmet sitting on a table and he snatches it up, settles it over his hair and locks the plate down, types frantically at Tony’s console and keys his radio into Thor and Tony’s helmets. 

Their breathing is harsh and ragged and much too fast, and Loki’s running out of time.

Because they’re so different in too many ways but if Loki’s right then there’s one thing they’ve got in common.


	4. Chapter 4

- _he’s six years old and he’s at school for the first time and his new clothes are itchy but he’s so proud-_

_-he’s eight and ripping through the elementary school syllabus and Jarvis says he can start the seventh grade course next month-_

_-he stays home when his mom and brother go out because museums bore him to tears-_

_-he’s escorting his mother to the art gallery fundraiser and he spends hours studying the perspective in the Eschers-_

He’s panicking because none of this makes sense, he doesn’t understand and the Drift isn't working, it’s not going to work! There’s too much and the other memories are all _wrong_ and he can’t make any of it fit together and-

_-he’s standing outside Loki’s door because he’s crying, and he knows that the last thing Loki wants is company but he can’t bear to leave his brother alone-_

“What the fuck!?” Tony hears himself scream it, flailing in the iron grip of the harness, “What the _fuck!?_ ” Because Loki - Loki has a _brother_ and Tony’s in his _head_ and he can’t want to fuck his own brother but he really, really does-

_-Loki’s gorgeous in the bright workshop lights, pale and glowing, and he wants to rip all his clothes off and fuck him until they’re both exhausted, wants to whisper filthy things in his ear until he blushes crimson and then do them all to him-_

His copilot’s shouting, “No! Stop, no!”

_-it’s the first time he’s seen Loki in four years and he’s going to be a pilot too and he’s so proud of his baby brother-_

_-imagining creamy white thighs parting for him slowly-_

_-the first thing Loki does is run and he’s through the door before he can say a word, and he runs after him, needs to tell Loki that it doesn’t matter, he doesn’t care, they’ll always be brothers, but Loki’s already gone and he knows that if Loki doesn’t want to be found then he won’t be-_

How does Loki have a brother? How this _this guy_ , this goddamn blond giant, Loki’s brother? Tony jerks and tries to rip himself out of the harness but he fixed it himself, didn’t he, made it stronger and more tolerant of violence and he’s trapped here and he’ll never get out, never click with this guy’s head-

- _Tony/Thor is a colossal moron but he’s_ his _moron, and if brother/friend/more would just listen to him they might actually make it through this-_

There’s a cool blue presence in the Drift, soothing the other guy’s blinding gold and boosting up Tony’s funny flickering red, and it reaches out to them both and there’s someone else’s memories in here now-

_-Thor’s asking Mama for a cookie and he wants one but he doesn’t like talking, but then Thor asks if he can have one too and he doesn’t have to say a word-_

_-his parents are smiling at his brother and he’s hiding because they’d stop if they knew he was here, nobody ever smiles at him, only his perfect magnificent brother and he hates him so much because he’s everything dark thin quiet him will never be-_

_-his father isn’t paying attention to his project, doesn’t care about what he’s done, but Mom/brother/Jarvis gives him a hug and tells him she/he’s so proud of him-_

_-brother/lust/want/Loki is saying something clever and it just makes the system/strategy work, he’d never have got that alone and he ruffles Loki’s hair/wants to kiss his cheek but won’t, not yet, offers him a packet of dried raspberries instead-_

And then Thor/Tony/Loki is smiling at him and he smiles back and they can actually do this.

_I can do this._

 

_~_

_“Neural handshake complete_.”

Loki’s shaking and sweating and he wants to be sick, but that’s disgusting and he can’t throw up while he’s saving the world and _that is not him thinking that-_

It’s Tony in his head, warm and careful, settling into the space Loki’s somehow made for him and staying right there, and yes of course he is, what does Loki think he is, he’s not going anywhere without consent and this is _more_ intense than sex and he already knows Loki’s not up for that yet so he’s going exactly no further, and Loki’s so relieved, and somebody’s laughing at him and he should really be more trusting-

That’s Thor, more spread out and thinner than Tony, a pale glow through half his brain, and he knew Loki loved him, always did, so it doesn’t matter how Loki’s acted before-

“But it _does_ , you idiot, it does!” Loki shouts and winces at the volume of his voice in his radio - ear, _his_ ear, _their_ radios. “I hate you! You’re in my head, you know how much I hate you!”

He doesn’t care, he’s got his brother back and that’s all that matters-

“Shut the hell up, the pair of you!”

That’s Tony and the red light flares, doesn’t move but it gets brighter, outshines Thor’s pale gold and gives Loki something to hide under.

“Listen up. God knows how _I_ can see this when you guys can’t, but - Loki, your brother’s only clingy because he misses you and he’s scared he’ll lose you again. Big guy, Loki does love you, but he _also_ hates you, and if you keep denying it he’ll only hate you _more_. Now stuff your emotions back down your throats where they belong and lets go kick some Kaiju ass!”

There’s a flash of _love/fear/need/won’t touch/wait for me_ and Loki doesn’t know whether it’s from him or Tony or Thor or all of them, _I want this but I’ll hurt him_ , but if he can’t tell then the neural bridge must be stable, must be working, and it’s strong.

He did it. 

Loki gasps for air like he stopped breathing during the handshake and maybe he did, and he lowers himself to the floor carefully, wiring trailing upwards from his borrowed helmet, rigged into Tony’s simulator, which is still remotely linked to Tony’s helmet and that’s linked to Thor’s, and goddamn it but Loki’s clever.

“ _Left hemisphere calibrating. Right hemisphere calibrating._ ”

Tony lifts his arm and Thor lifts his and they pump their elbows in towards their body and pull their fists up, and _Eagle_ just dances around them like it’s the easiest thing in the world, this beautiful baby that Tony fixed up, ready for battle.

“ _Calibration complete._ ”

There’s cheering coming through the radio, from Command, and then a rumbling growl from Fury.

“ _Alright, what the hell’s going on in there? Have you got any idea how long that took?_ ”

And that is not a question that _Fury_ deserves to be asking right now, given that he got them into this situation in the first place, the arrogant one-eyed bastard - that’s Tony, bright and incandescent and angry, and Loki feels no shame at smirking and settling back to watch him tear into Fury.

“What’s going on in here? We barely fucking survived the Drift, that’s what’s going on in here! No thanks to you, because you knew I’ve got the hots for Loki - and you didn’t stop to think that _Loki’s brother_ and I might be the tiniest bit incompatible?”

“ _You clearly worked it out-_ ”

“ _Loki_ worked it out.”

Fury falls silent, and Loki swallows his laughter and feels Tony grinning at him and warm pride from Thor, and Loki twitches because he didn’t really do all _that_ much, they’re the pilots here, not him.

“ _What the fuck are you talking about?_ ”

“Oh, Loki just hacked his way into our Drift and stopped us from drowning in the sudden incest. Though calling it a three-way doesn’t make it sound much better, but seriously. We’re basically interfacing through Loki right now.”

“ _Motherfucker,_ ” Fury spits, and Loki flinches, because the last time Fury sounded like this was after Loki Drifted with Barton and Loki almost didn’t make it out of his office-

Tony almost burns with his anger, and his _to do_ list now runs ‘Find out when Loki’s birthday is so I can give him his choice of Fury’s organs’, and Loki isn’t sure what to do, nobody’s ever defended him before, but he wants to smile and take Tony’s hand and, yes, hide behind him, and Tony just grins at him and somehow holds his hand out through the Drift.

And Thor is disbelieving, doesn’t know how he missed so much, how he didn’t see what Loki was being put through - Thor trusted his commander to make the right calls but somehow everything went wrong and he left Loki alone.

But it’s alright now, because Loki’s a pilot again, he’s a _hero-_  

And no, no, that’s too much, Loki would _never_ think that - he pushes Thor back, needs to _breathe_ , can’t let himself feel lost, can’t panic, and god, Tony can’t believe how messed up these two are and he’s so glad he has no siblings, and he reaches out for their attention and wraps it around him, makes them both look his way and leave each other alone. Everything will be fine if they just stop trying to fight it out and leave the issues until there _aren’t_ two Kaijus coming for them.

Tony’s got them, though he can’t believe that _he’s_ the responsible adult right now.

“Fuck, I am going to need so much therapy when this is over.”

“ _You’ll all need therapy after what I’ll do to you if you don’t get your asses moving!_ ”

They laugh and start to walk out of the hangar, slow and careful and easy. Tony’s tested these parts himself, he knows how they feel, and this is in Thor’s blood and bones, and Loki’s never done anything like it but he doesn’t _need_ to, he’s just keeping the peace between _brother_ and _friend/love/want_. 

He’s going to take him out to dinner when he gets back, something candlelit and romantic and his brother can just shut his eyes or whatever because it’s not like he’s going to fight a duel for the right to court him-

“Don’t be so sure,” Thor mutters, and Loki bristles at the control and the possession and he can make his _own_ decisions, dammit, and relaxes into the warm worried care, always watching out for Loki’s best interests. 

They’re outside in the high winds and murky gray light but for once it’s not actually raining, and the platform slowly lowers them into the water. The resistance around their feet changes, works its way higher to grip at their legs, and Loki’s shivering against the hard workshop floor because _he_ can move however he wants, and he’s three people at once and it’s awful-

The platform hits bottom and they take a step forward, right leg sliding gracefully through the water, foot hitting seabed and the left leg leading out, falling in front of it, and the waves splash up against the screens of the conn-pod and Loki shudders because he doesn’t want to drown again, but Thor and Tony hold him up and keep him breathing even as they sink under the water.

“ _Both Kaiju are headed for San Francisco,_ ” Coulson says, and Tony tenses because Coulson was in on this shit too but Thor pulls him back, they need to focus on the mission and take orders, their feelings have to wait. _“_ Eagle, Hulk, _you’re going north to rendezvous with_ Shield Maiden _a mile off shore and put these fucking beasts in the ground._ Avenger, _you’re staying here in case they get sneaky and try to come back this way. Understood?_ ”

“Copy that,” Thor says, easy and confident, because this is what he does, what he was born for. _Eagle Lightning_ is his, his and Steven’s-

_-he’s never been to America before and he barely speaks English and it’s nothing like Norway, and he wishes his brother were here because he’d know how to fit in, but he’s on his own and he doesn’t understand this place-_

_-he wakes up and they tell him he’s been comatose for eight years, that aliens have been attacking them for six and that nobody cares about global warming or arguing for or against gay marriage, the world’s ending and nothing he believes in matters anymore, there’s only staying alive until tomorrow and he doesn’t understand this place-_

“Hey, who’s your copilot now? I’m feeling neglected here, big guy,” Tony says, blunt and callous and Tony all over, because he isn’t careful, doesn’t tiptoe, just comes straight out and says it because politeness is a waste of time and engineering is all about facts, it won’t ask for permission before it breaks down and white lies get people killed. 

“It’s Thor,” Thor says, out of the memory though he misses Steven terribly and it looks strange to have a copilot in a plain white suit and not _Eagle_ ’s blue and silver, “my name is Thor. You never asked.”

“Didn’t think I’d have to. Only nobody _remembers_ their name, they just _know_ , so it gets lost-”

“Shut up, Tony,” Loki says, “concentrate.”

“And by the way,” Thor says, “if you aren’t good to my brother I’ll punch your teeth down your throat and out your ass.”

They both groan, “Shut up, Thor,” and this is working.

_We can do this._

 

~

So the Pacific? Is big.

Like, really fucking big.

And Tony knows the math of how much _Eagle_ weighs and the resistance of seawater at this depth and how far they have to go and it comes out to being really, really hard to just keep the damn thing moving.

“Are we there yet?”

Loki snorts disdainfully but there’s warmth coming through the Drift, and Thor just outright laughs.

Tony grumbles. “You both suck.” But there’s not really any point in saying it because they both know how he really feels, that Thor seems to be a decent guy who tries to do the right thing and Tony wishes he knew how to do that, and that he’s in awe of Loki’s strength and smarts and the sheer fucking guts it took to Drift again.

“Damn,” Loki says, regretfully, no force behind it. “I hoped you wouldn’t think of that.”

“Too late now,” Tony cheers brightly, but he’s just pretending that he hasn’t noticed that Loki cares about this and they can both hear it, fuck, how do pilots live every day with having exactly zero privacy?

He better not think about what he did with that sexy blonde journalism major in freshman year- _shit!_

“Loki, please say something!”

“Yes, nobody wants to hear about _that_. Well.” Loki clears his throat. “I saw you were trying to Drift, and failing miserably. I thought that the only thing you had in common was me, and perhaps I could make that connection stronger. And I knew that if I did nothing you’d never get into alignment. It wasn’t that hard to decide.”

“Yeah, but doing it… How’d you know you wouldn’t make it worse?”

Hesitation as Loki crawls through the _stop this/fix this/do something/I can save them if I let myself_ trying to find the right words.

“I think… I knew Thor wouldn’t hurt me, so I didn’t need to protect myself from him. And he was strong enough that I couldn’t hurt him, either.”

 _Pride/sad/missed you_ from Thor, and shy disbelief but greedy desperate hands from Loki, still not able to completely accept that Thor means it even like this but wanting that approval so much.

Loki pulls back and shakes Thor off for a minute and focuses on Tony, the cool, comforting blue mingling with the edges of his own red. “And you… If there was anyone I didn’t fear losing myself to, it was you.”

 _Trust/want/need/will not let you go even if I die for it_ , and Tony’s just stunned by how much Loki feels, how after knowing nothing but hate and despair he still didn’t shut down, he stood up and kept coming and used it, stayed alive and when he found something better he risked everything to take it, and that’s _Tony_.

Loki shrugs like it doesn’t matter. “And I do dangerous things when I am desperate. With two Kaijus coming our way and you morons ruining your Drift, we were all going to die anyway. So really, this is all your fault.”

But if Loki had only agreed to Drift with him in the _first_ place, back in the mess-

“Don’t you dare-”

 _Hate hate hate this is why I hate you I was afraid I was_ right _to be afraid do you think I wanted to hurt you I love you too much for that!_

And dammit, but Tony refuses to cry inside his helmet, so “Everybody can block up the emotions already, I swear you guys are worse than the Breach, we’ll all cry and hug it out _later!_ ”

A shaking breath from Loki before he locks himself down, hard; and easy, focused resolve from Thor, because looking only at the job is something he’s good at now, something Steven taught him.

And Tony’s done nothing but look only at the job for the past two years, ever since he learned that Stane was selling the parts Tony was building for the PPDC to militants in Europe with nothing better to do than blow themselves up, but also with a thriving economy that could pay the prices that kept Tony in champagne and Armani, and he did his best to kill himself while pretending not to for three months and then he went to Fury and said _you’ve got to let me help with my own hands_ and never looked back except to make sure he never fucks up like that again-

And he hasn’t, he’s saved so many people, does he think he’s any worse than what Loki’s done, does he think Thor hasn’t cursed himself every day since Loki ran away for not saying something to him first?

A hard sniff from Loki, loud and disgusting in the helmet earpiece. “Now who’s overflowing with emotions?”

“Shut up, Shakespeare.”

Loki splutters. “What did you call me?”

“You heard.”

Jesus, Thor is never going to let himself get stuck alone with these two again.

This, Tony and Loki agree, is probably the best idea he’s ever had.

“ _Heads up_ , Eagle,” Coulson says, and they all flinch, hoping that Command hasn’t been listening in the whole time, because maybe they have no privacy from each other but at least what happens in the Drift can _stay_ in the Drift. “ _You’re closing in on your position. You and_ Maiden _take the front line,_ Hulk _’s backing you up. Kaiju contact ETA ten minutes_.”

“They’re still both coming our way?”

“ _Roger that,_ Bilgesnipe _and_ Jotunheim _heading right for the rendezvous._ ”

Where the fuck does Coulson get these stupid names from? Who put him in charge of codenaming the Kaijus anyway?

“It’s better than what he wanted to call the first Jaeger,” Thor says.

“And what’s that?”

“ _Captain America_.”

All three of them burst out laughing because what the hell, they’re about to get the shit beat out of them by aliens, they might as well crack up while they can, and Coulson’s stiff huff just makes everything funnier.

_Captain America!_

“Kaiju contact in nine minutes,” Coulson says, and Tony gives a last snicker and gears up for the fight.

He knows what his hardware is capable of and he knows its worked on nine previous missions, seven kills and two assists, and he knows that Thor knows _Maiden_ ’s crew, Peggy and Sif, and _Hulk_ ’s, Rhodey and Bucky, and Clint and Natasha in _Avenger_ are protecting home base, and they’re all good pilots with a hell of a track record and Thor trusts them with a lot more than his life.

They’re going to do this.

 

~

The ocean ripples and the proximity alarm blares, and this _thing_ comes up out of the water, cascades pouring off its back, hard green bone spikes along its spine and wrapping its head like a helmet, skin blue and covered with thick lines of scars like a map, eyes red and angry and _huge_ , and it’s standing over them like they’re exactly nothing-

“Jesus fuck!” Tony is screaming in Loki’s ear, “How is it that big?” Too big, _mass/weight/processing/the numbers don’t quantify_ , it can’t possibly be that big but it’s right _there_ and “I’m just a man in a tin can, what the fuck do we do? What do I do?”

“You punch it in the balls! What do you _think_ you do, invite it in for tea?”

Why does Tony doubt himself, he built these Jaegers and LA base has never lost a single one because _Tony’s tech_ is the best, and that means they’ve taken down every Kaiju they’ve gone up against. Tony can _do_ this and he can’t doubt himself now because Loki needs him to be able to do anything.

Loki hears Tony take a deep breath and feels the steady, powerful confidence from Thor who’s never faced a thing he couldn’t fight, and this one’s big but he’s fought bigger.

A flurry of Thor’s past fights, _punch/dodge/missiles/find the weak spot and focus_ , and then Tony’s genius and analysis and memories of Bruce going on about Kaiju physiology, and Tony just sees a big machine with vulnerabilities like any other.

There’s a joint in the front legs, or maybe arms, either knee or elbow, whatever, that looks weak - smaller and with less protection, the skin more flexible - and if they can break that joint they’ll at least slow the thing down.

The Kaiju spots them and it starts moving in.

Thor keys the radio. “ _Maiden_ , we’ve got this one, keep your eyes out for the second!”

“ _Roger that_.”

Thor and Tony brace for the impact and let the Kaiju come to them, and it’s so fucking stupid to wait like this but that’s how they’ll surprise it, strike from underneath when it lunges over them-

The thing rears up from the water, clawed hands opening, mouth gaping blue and wide in a roar as it comes down.

They lift the right hand high and the repulsor in the palm charges, energy screaming out of balance, and the Kaiju comes down and hits it dead center.

 _Eagle_ jolts with the impact but she’s strong and they bring the left arm up, take more of the Kaiju’s weight and move with the momentum, swing it up and over _Eagle’_ s head as the repulsor discharges insane amounts of power into its body, fries its nervous system and leaves a charred hole in its chest, and then the thing hits the water behind _Eagle_ and the ocean heaves like it’s trying to throw it back, and the wave washes over themand _Eagle_ ’s standing tall like a god rising from the sea.

“Not sure we hit its balls, but that’s close enough, yeah?”

Loki just laughs because everything’s fine if Tony can keep making those stupid jokes, and he knows that Tony and Thor will come home.

The Kaiju roars and starts to lift itself up, and Tony and Thor stride forward. There’s a missile launcher in the arm, and Tony activates it and they take aim at that elbow he saw before and they fire.

They rock with the backlash from the launch but the missile flies true, buries itself inside the Kaiju’s flesh before it detonates.

There’s a flash of light and the shockwave rattles the conn-pod and Kaiju blood has splattered _Eagle_ \- they duck under the water for a second to wash it off and slow the damage and everything goes dark and quiet and they take one deep breath.

They come back up and the Kaiju’s right there, still on its feet, one arm blown clean off where the missile hit and the other needed to support its weight - it’s most definitely not dead but it is a hell of a lot less of a threat.

Thor howls gleeful defiance and looks at Steven/Tony to share it, and Tony grins back and starts charging the repulsor to take out that second arm.

They’re both cautious, Thor’s been surprised by half-downed Kaiju before and Tony knows from Bruce they’re full of sneaky tricks and Loki just never trusts anything, and when the Kaiju’s throat works and its mouth opens they both dodge-

Tony goes right. Thor goes left.

 _Eagle_ shudders and twists and falls and the proximity alert shrieks as something fast and _hot_ shoots barely over their head as they go down.

The Kaiju can spit fireballs and Tony and Thor have no idea what they’re doing.

 _Eagle_ collapses into the ocean and shudders to a halt before it starts sinking, and Thor’s swearing and Tony’s shaking and they have to get up _right now-_

“ _Left!_ ” Thor shouts and for once Tony does what he’s told, fires the repulsor in the right hand and it sends them sliding left and clear of the Kaiju’s foot as it comes down, and Thor’s already got the left repulsor charging so they turn and fight back through the swirling water and grab hold of the elbow and fire with everything _Eagle’_ s got. 

The Kaiju’s howl is ungodly even under the water and Loki almost screams-

And what the fuck does it think it can do to Loki when Tony and Thor are in its way?

 _Eagle_ stands up again and the hands are slightly fried with the backlash from the repulsors, they’re not meant to be used at point-blank range like that, but Tony built _Eagle_ to withstand a hell of a lot more than some energy splash and they’ll be fine. They’re down one missile but the other arm is still loaded and that’ll end this thing if there’s a good place to put it.

That shiny green bone is all around the skull and they probably can’t break through that, but its brain’ll be useless if they can get to the spine and there’s less protection there, just a bone spike and if they can get rid of that they’ll have a welcome mat laid out for them.

The Kaiju’s down in the water and it’s not getting up, but they come up from behind it anyway and Tony watches it while Thor brings the left arm up and back and punches forward-

The Kaiju moves but Tony moves with it, keeps Thor’s punch heading true and the fist hits the highest spike and rips it clean off.

Tony pops the missile up and leans in close and aims, other hand pinning the Kaiju still, and fires into the pulpy mess of sick blue flesh and the missile goes deep and blows.

Half the Kaiju’s back explodes and they’re smacked by the shockwave and splattered in entrails and they’re knocked a couple steps back, but that thing isn’t getting up any time soon.

For a second everyone just breathes and holds onto the adrenaline rush, they’ll crash hard if they come down now, and then Tony and Thor look across the water.

 _Shield Maiden_ is grappling with a huge, scaly Kaiju, with _big_ antlers, spitting and snarling, and there’s something wrong with her legs because she’s not pushing forward and Tony knows that model, it should have the power to.

Thor keys the radio again. “ _Maiden,_ what’s the story?”

“ _Little busy_ ,” one of the pilots grunts, and then she shouts “ _Now!_ ” and _Maiden_ lifts the Kaiju from the water and hurls it towards Thor and Tony, and the crazy bastards just cheer as it crashes between them.

“ _Consider it a gift,_ ” the other pilot says. “ _Our left hamstring’s fouled up. We can’t move unless it’s that or bite the dust._ ”

 _Guilt/failure/got to fix it_ from Tony, but Loki knows it wasn’t his fault, has he ever even _been_ to _Maiden’_ s home base, and how does he know it wasn’t damaged before this fight? He’s got to learn to only blame himself for things he’s actually at fault for, and if he can teach Loki that lesson then he can damn well learn it himself.

Thor prods them back into focus, and says, “ _Hulk_?”

“ _Barnes here. Do we get to play today or does_ Hulk _’s shiny metal ass get a nice polishing?_ ”

Thor laughs. “Get off the bench and make sure this one’s bought it. We’re gonna give _Bitch_ a hand.”

“ _What was that?_ ”

 _Shame/oops/but I know they think it’s funny_ from Thor who forgot to turn off _Maiden/Bitch_ ’s channel after all and a cackle from Tony. “Nothing. _Maiden_.”

“ _That’s what we thought. Respect those who can kick your asses and come kill this ugly piece of shit._ ”

“Ma’am, yes ma’am,” Tony smarms, and he and Thor turn _Eagle_ to face the second Kaiju that’s just picking itself up out of the water. It sees them and roars, gaping maw flying open, teeth everywhere, and _Eagle’_ s repulsors charge.

“You wanna have a go?” Tony is _high_. “If we can’t protect the Pacific, you can be damn well sure we’ll avenge it!”

 

_~_

_“Now!_ ”

Tony and Thor brace one last time and Loki is thrilled and edgy in the back of Tony’s head, willing them on, and they heave the Kaiju up and lift, fire both repulsors just before they throw the thing over the water at _Maiden_.

She’s standing braced with a fucking massive spear at the ready as the Kaiju spins heavily through the air, corrects her posture as it comes closer, and Thor and Tony run through the water behind it, waiting.

The Kaiju plunges down and screams, and its legs flail like it’s trying to catch itself, but it’s a pretty big spear and _Maiden_ ’s hold doesn’t shift an inch when the Kaiju hits the point and then the head goes through its chest and keeps going, bursts out of its back in a spray of bright glowing blue, and Thor and Tony leap high, foot repulsors pushing them on, and they reach the apex of the arc and turn the other way and fire again, and charge into the Kaiju’s body with everything they’ve got.

It’s forced further down _Maiden_ ’s spear, and it’s shaking and shrieking as it dies, and Loki doesn’t know how he ever thought he could face one of these, but what he hell is he thinking that for, he’s already doing it, okay, he’s just as much in this Jaeger as Tony and Thor are, and he’s the one holding them all together and they’d never have left the Shielddome without him.

Loki goes _doubt/no/want_ at praise again, and there’s a slow, unhappy realization from Thor that _yes_ , Loki really has meant it every time he’s said he’s never welcome, never wanted, that he’s never been thanked for anything he’s done-

- _he’s camping with his brother and they’re lost and Thor says it’s an adventure, but he really thinks they should get back before dark so he uses his phone’s GPS to find the way back to camp, and Thor complains that he’s ruined his fun and missed the whole point-_

_-he’s cold and thirsty and tired but this was his idea so he pretends he’s enjoying it, and then Loki pulls out his phone and saves the day, just like that, and he’s so stupid for not thinking of it first, he’ll never be as clever as Loki, but he says it was a stupid idea and goes to hide in his tent-_

“Hey, hey!” Tony shouts, because Loki and Thor are both shaking and this is the problem that Tony had with Thor the first time, memories violently fighting to see who’s _right_ because they’re so different they can’t both exist, and this is worse because it’s the _same memory_ but they don’t feel anything in common, and Tony just wants to smack them upside the head. “This thing isn’t _dead_ yet, dammit, focus!”

“Eagle _, you guys okay?_ ”

It’s one of _Hulk_ ’s pilots, waiting at the ready in case they’ve fucked up, but they’ll be okay, Tony can fix this. “Yeah, yeah, just - family crisis.”

“ _What? Whose family?_ ”

“Never mind, we’ll be fine - _snap the hell out of it!_ ”

_-he’s just locked up here until they need to use him again, he’s nothing but a tool to keep Thor happy-_

_-they’re finally reunited and he wants to make up for lost time but Loki is more distant than ever-_

_-and he’d do it gladly if they just_ asked _him but he’s a hostage instead and Thor doesn’t understand that he’s trapped here, that Thor is trapping him-_

 _-Loki’s acting strange and he doesn’t know why and Loki won’t let him help-_  

_-and he misses his brother so much-_

It’s just enough for the Drift to stabilize again and Loki and Thor to leave off the outpouring of their issues and get back into alignment. Tony steps a little sideways to shield Loki while pretending that he’s not doing anything, and Loki hates that he needs help but he’s grateful all the same, and Thor’s trying to do better but he still doesn’t know what’s going on.

“I’ll tell you later, now _kill the goddamn Kaiju!_ ” Because it’s still alive and rocking under their feet as it tries to gets itself off the spear and now is not the time for this shit!

A groan from one of _Maiden_ ’s pilots. “ _Can’t you boys do anything yourselves?_ ”

“ _Hold on, fellas,_ ” says the other one, and Thor’s still half-out of it but he and Tony wrap _Eagle_ ’s hands around the thick metal shaft of the spear jutting out of the Kaiju, and then its whole body rocks under them and the ocean churns with its blood, and there’s a satisfied huff from the pilots and Tony’s screens say there was a small-yield warhead in the spear shaft and it’s taken out the Kaiju’s entire chest cavity. 

 _Eagle_ ’s still standing as the Kaiju starts to slump into the ocean, and somebody shouts for them to roll free, and there’s no way Thor’s up to coordinating the maneuver so Tony watches him, waits for him to start moving to the right, and Tony takes over and finishes the job, curls up and slowly shifts them right. Thor’s still not back enough to get it perfectly matched, but _Eagle_ ’s a good girl and she listens to Tony, and he yells “ _Maiden_ , we’re hitting your left!” and gravity pulls them down and off the Kaiju and their momentum pushes them clear to the side as they fall into the ocean.

It’s a soft landing only because they’ve been bashed around much harder, and Tony’s teeth rattle loose in his head and the harness tries to rip him apart as the shock runs up _Eagle_ ’s body, but he _fixed_ it and it’s nothing more than a couple aches and a twisted knot in his back, and look at the day he’s had, that could have been there for hours.

And then everything’s still and his screens are telling him that _Maiden_ ’s dumped the Kaiju on her other side and is reporting the kill, and _Hulk_ confirmed _Eagle_ ’s like five minutes ago, and LA Command is telling them to get their asses to San Francisco for debriefing, but fuck that, they’re going _home._


	5. Chapter 5

_Eagle_ shuts down and for the first time in hours, Loki’s alone in his own head.

It’s like going down stairs in the dark, a small thing that feels so much bigger than that; a single step becomes falling off a cliff.

Tony’s wild exuberance and Thor’s bold confidence are gone, and it’s just Loki, all doubts and scars and mistakes. He got through the Drift only with their constant reassurance, because he couldn’t hold on by himself, and now, when he’s more alone than he’s ever been, how is he supposed to _do_ anything?

For those hours in their heads, Loki was somebody better. He was brave and strong and tall and he killed a Kaiju, an entire damn Kaiju - but out of the Drift, he knows that all he really did was lie on Tony’s workshop floor trying not to throw up.

He remembers Tony’s fierce insistence coming through the Drift, that they were a team and Loki was just as important as the pilots, but now they’re only words and Loki doesn’t have to listen.

But he doesn’t have to ignore them, either.

He felt how real their affection was, how much they believed in him. _He_ was the one who got them to work together, who gave them enough in common to Drift. And he knows he did that - he’s still wearing his helmet - and if Loki can do that, why can’t he do everything?

He reaches up, hands shaking, finds the catches and flips them open. The helmet comes away and he gasps in the clean, cold air, the gorgeous wash of it around his face, and he brushes his clinging, sweaty hair back from his skin and it feels like luxury.

That stupid helmet is ridiculously heavy.

But he can’t just lie here all day - he’s at least going to be on his feet when Fury arrives to murder him - and he has to see Tony.

And Thor.

His stomach swoops at the thought, but he still has to. He knows Thor didn’t see everything - even hours isn’t long enough to completely dig through Loki’s nightmare of a psyche - and Thor’s going to want more, and Loki doesn’t know how to explain.

He still hates Thor, but he’s no longer sure that he should.

Thor would have taken him back as soon as Loki asked. Thor really, wholly meant it when he finally said Loki’s adoption didn’t matter to him, four years after Loki ran away and didn’t give Thor a chance to say it then. Thor never knew Loki was unhappy because Loki was deliberately trying to fool him, and Loki’s the only one to blame for succeeding too well. Thor would give Loki whatever he wants, if he only knew what that is.

And there was pain, in Thor’s memories, pain Loki wasn’t expecting. Pain they share.

Loki’s spent so long running from Thor, and hiding from Thor, and hating Thor, he’s not sure he remembers how to be Thor’s brother.

He can try. He owes himself that much.

But there is something he wants more.

_Tony_.

His limbs feel like jelly, but he picks himself up off the floor anyway, and staggers for the workshop door. He has to see Tony.

It’s been about an hour since the Jaegers won, long enough for people to be at work in the aftermath. They pass him in the corridors, smeary blobs because his vision won’t focus on them, but they leave him in peace. They sent out three Jaegers today, even if _Avenger_ didn’t fight, and there’s cleanup and maintenance to do, analysis of the attack, recovery of Kaiju bits for study. Nobody’s got time to spare to even glare at Loki.

He’s shaking and cold by the time he reaches the hangar, and he’s almost ready to drop and let the crowds crush him, but he scans the wide spaces beneath the towering Jaegers, searching-

Tony’s suit is a bright white beacon in the swirling mess of people; he leans against _Eagle_ ’s foot and smiles proud and sweetly as he strokes the metal, and Loki heads for him. People bump and push him but he won’t stop now, Tony’s _right there_ and Loki won’t run away from him again.

Tony meets Loki’s eyes and the joy there is instantaneous, his smile turning wide and thrilled and beautiful. Loki strides across the last couple of feet and takes Tony’s grinning face in his hands, feels the heat and sweat of his skin and his hair around Loki’s fingertips, and Loki bends down and kisses him.

Tony’s lips are hot and slippery against his own, and his beard scratches Loki’s skin, and Tony is already kissing him back, mouth opening and lips suckling at Loki’s, and then Tony’s tongue sweeps through against Loki’s teeth. Loki moves his hands to the back of Tony’s neck and head to pull him closer, threads his fingers through Tony’s short hair.

His pulse is pounding in his head and in his groin, he’s dizzy and he might fall over any minute now and his ears are filled with a silent roar, but his tongue slides into Tony’s mouth like it belongs there, and Tony’s hands are firm and certain where they wrap Loki’s biceps, and Loki will not let him go.

He breaks back only to gasp in another breath, lets Tony do the same before Loki is on him again, nose pressed hard to Tony’s cheek, their lips all but flattened, but Tony is alive and safe and _here_ and he wants Loki so much - has wanted him from the first day, saw Loki striking and elegant and with exactly the kind of arrogance that meshed with Tony’s own, and then when he found out Loki had a brain and used it, he just became irresistible, and Loki _was_ Tony in that Drift and he can’t doubt him now.

Tony’s tongue thrusts between Loki’s lips, burning and slick, and Loki bites down gently and makes Tony shudder and press their bodies flush together. The pilot suit is hard and unyielding and Loki wants to tear it to pieces and find Tony underneath it.

Tony makes a muffled noise against Loki’s lips and pulls away with a soft wet smack, and leans their foreheads together as he pants for air. “You sure about this?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Loki breathes, low and almost shamefully wanton. “I want. I want you.”

“Fuck, I’m glad you said that.”

Loki laughs, and slips his hands down to rest them over Tony’s shoulders. The suit feels cold and unfriendly and Loki wants it gone, now-

“Brother!”

“Dammit, Thor,” he groans softly against Tony’s lips, and Tony laughs against Loki’s.

“If you get rid of him, I’ll be waiting in your bunk,” Tony all but purrs, and Loki’s skin flushes hot and his cock twitches, and he is going to _kill_ Thor. 

Loki grins, and strokes Tony’s cheek once. “You’d better be.”

Tony smirks and arches his eyebrows, and slips slyly away from Loki’s hands. He’s almost immediately swallowed up by tech crew, grabbing at his suit and asking him questions and whisking him away.

_Later_ , Loki tells himself, he will have Tony later.

He turns to face Thor.

His brother looks tall and noble in the lights, hair like a golden crown around his head, strong and confident, every inch what a Jaeger pilot, a hero of men, should be. Next to him Loki feels small and dark and quiet, wants to slink back into the shadows where he belongs, and leave Thor to his glory and the fawning sycophants trying to crowd closer.

But then Thor smiles at him, big and warm and welcoming, and pulls Loki into his chest. His arms fold around Loki’s back like he’s done it every day, like he’s never wanted anything else.

He’s still in his suit, too, all hard flat surfaces, but he smells like Thor and Loki knows the feeling of his beard against his cheek, and something in the back of his head says _home_.

“Loki, I’m-”

“Tomorrow,” Loki says, pleads. “I can’t- not today. I’ve been in your head for the past three hours, I need to breathe.” He chuckles weakly. “You’ve ruined my life, do you know that? You’ve torn down everything I thought I knew about you. I need some space to think.”

Thor lets him go and holds him at arm’s length, grinning like a fool. “I never thought I’d hear you say that.”

“What?”

“You were wrong about something!” A big, hard hand ruffles Loki’s hair. “My genius baby brother.”

Loki thumps him in the chest, but he’s smiling so much his cheeks hurt. “Shut up.”

Thor cups the side of his neck and squeezes gently, and the joints of the glove pinch Loki’s skin painfully but he wouldn’t push Thor away for the world.

Well, maybe. If it was a big world.

“Thank you,” Thor says, and then he walks past Loki into the throng of people and disappears.

Loki exhales slowly, his promise of _tomorrow_ a comfortable weight in his mind, grounding him. He’ll still be kept here for Thor’s benefit, but he probably won’t mind so much if he actually wants to be here, too. Thor wants Loki to stay just because he loves his brother; it’s everyone else who sees Loki as leverage to keep Thor in place, and Loki doesn’t care about them. He cares about Thor, and even if it took literally _becoming_ Thor, he knows his brother loves him.

Loki managed to forget that, somewhere in the four years he spent alone. But now, they can start again. Clear out all the stupid lies that have gotten in their way, and just have Loki and Thor.

Tomorrow. Tonight is for Tony.

Nobody stops Loki as he slips out of the hangar and heads for his room. None of them know what he did; he’s not sure how many do, beyond Tony, Thor, and Fury, and it will likely go no further. Loki is the reason that everybody’s favorite pilot made his eighth kill and third assist today, but nothing will come of it. Fury won’t acknowledge how much he owes Loki, will simply claim it was no more than what he’s here for: keeping Thor fighting. If he ever mentions it at all. Certainly he will not spread the story of Loki’s actions - and even if he did, nobody would forgive Loki so easily. He will have no cheering crowds, no praise from the masses. 

He doesn’t care. Tony tells him he is worth something, and that means far more than the thoughtless approval of strangers who would laud anyone they were told was a hero. 

Though he does want to see whatever revenge Tony and Thor are planning for Fury. Knowing them, it will probably be both loud and amusing.

Perhaps Loki should sell tickets.

His door swings open at his touch; Tony must have forgotten to lock it. Loki steps in and closes it, spinning the wheel tight, and turns to see Tony spread over Loki’s bunk like he promised.

His bare skin is tanned and dusted lightly with dark hair, rippling over the firm contours of his muscles. He looks taller this way, one leg stretched towards the foot of the bed, and the other folded up, knee pointing towards Loki, thigh coyly preserving his modesty. He has a hand fanning across his chest and the other up behind his head, displaying himself.

He’s also sound asleep.

Loki shakes his head and laughs, fondly. Tony must have been twice as exhausted as Loki after piloting _Eagle_ ; Loki can’t blame him. Truly, Loki would appreciate rest more than lust right now. He’s come to the end of his strength, and he’s tired and sore and badly needs a shower.

Tomorrow. Everything except Tony can wait until tomorrow.

Loki peels himself out of his clothes, feeling sticky and strangely hot and cold at the same time, shoves Tony mercilessly into the wall and lies down next to him. The bunk is narrow to start with, and Tony doesn’t share Loki’s slenderness, but Loki turns them both onto their sides and tucks Tony close against his chest, and they fit well enough. At least Loki’s ass isn’t hanging over the edge.

Loki drags up the blankets with the last of his reserves, and it leaves him warm and cocooned against Tony. The tension just melts out of his body, and he wouldn’t move if a Kaiju came through the ceiling.

~

His face is wet.

_Drip._

It’s being rained on.

_Drip._

Warmly, which is unusual for rain. And it’s only on his face, which is also strange.

Especially indoors.

_Driiiip_.

Tony blinks his eyes open and stretches, and groans at the deep burning ache in his muscles. He feels like he’s run a marathon and if he did, he didn’t cool down properly afterwards.

_Drip._

He rolls over, and sees Loki leaning over him, grinning, long wet hair gathered in his hand and the ends held right over Tony’s face.

Tony folds up the pillow and mops himself dry. “You’re hilarious.”

“And you sleep like a dead elephant.” Loki flicks his hair down at Tony and splatters his cheek again. “I’ve been here for five minutes.”

Tony arches an eyebrow challengingly. “You’ve got me naked in your bed, and all you can think to do is dry your hair on me?”

“I did try waking you up to shower with me.”

“Try?”

“You rolled over and kept snoring.”

Tony shrugs and tries not to wince at the tight pain in his stupidly stiff shoulders. “I like my sleep when I can get it.”

The grin slips from Loki’s face, and he sits down on the bed beside Tony, hitching up the towel around his waist. His hand dips almost shyly into Tony’s hair, combing through it, fingertips gentle against his scalp. “And that is too rarely for my liking. But these frankly awful things you do to yourself… They aren’t the cause of your pain. They are the cure. You choose them.”

Oh, great, this is not what Tony needs at this hour of the morning. Or, well, ever. “Oh, really? Whatever gave you that idea?”

“It wasn’t the Drift, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I’m not asking, I’m being a sarcastic asshole.”

“Yes, because you’re trying to hide from me.” Loki’s hand goes still and he hesitates. “Am I merely a relic, that you would want to possess me and yet share nothing of yourself in return?”

“God, no,” Tony groans, and fumbles for Loki; he finds a bare strip of thigh and rubs it, hopefully comfortingly. “Don’t say that. But you can’t expect me to suddenly spill everything just because I think you’re hot stuff.”

“No, no,” Loki says, and his fingers start moving again. “I know you cling to your pain because you feel it is all you have. I felt the same. I think in part I still do. But if you will help me release mine, I ask that you will let me help you.”

It’s so _weird_. Nobody’s ever said anything like this to Tony. Nobody’s ever wanted to. Partly because he’s great at saving his breakdowns for private moments behind half a ton of steel walls, but the people who _do_ find out how messed up he really is don’t care. They just want him to keep working. Hell, that’s all _he_ wants.

And now Loki. “Why?”

Loki’s smart enough that he doesn’t ask _why what?_ He just goes still and thoughtful, and those green, green eyes meet Tony’s. “Because the way you smile when you mean it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

_Oh._

Tony knows how much he wants Loki, how glorious and perfect he is - but even with the Drift, he didn’t think someone else might feel that way about _him._

The green flicks away. “And you do not do it often enough. I am greedy and selfish, I would have you smile like that every day if I could.”

Just like that, Loki goes from sweet to bitter and Tony groans again and squeezes Loki’s thigh. “Dammit, you don’t have to make yourself small like that. You’re _allowed_ to like how I smile at you - though I’ve got no idea how that looks and you’ve got fucking weird priorities - it’s not selfish to want me to be happy even if you do like this stupid thing my-”

Loki gives a smothered snarl, and leans down to take Tony’s face in both his warm hands. “You are impossible. Now who is making himself small? You have a heart, Tony Stark, however neglected and overlooked it may have been, however much you value the work of your mind. You are allowed to feel. To want. Even to hurt. But you are not allowed to call your face _stupid_.” He jerks his chin up, faux-imperious. “I forbid it.”

Tony blinks slowly at him. “I think we might be a little fucked up.”

Loki laughs, relieved and unrestrained. It’s warm and natural, but quiet and stops too soon, and if Loki wants to see Tony smile then Tony wants to hear Loki laugh. “A little?”

“Yeah. Y’know, only on alternate Thursdays.”

Loki smiles. “By appointment.”

Tony feels like his heart might burst. The bastard’s _funny_ , too. “Exactly.”

Loki looks alive and sweet and contented, and his thumbs stroke tenderly over Tony’s cheeks. “May I kiss you?”

“Why didn’t you _start_ with that instead of this feelings bullshit, come here-” Tony wraps his hand in Loki’s wet hair and pulls him down.

Loki’s lips are fresh and damp from the shower, and warm and soft. Tony kisses him slowly, teasing the closed seam of Loki’s mouth with the tip of his tongue, hand firm but careful in Loki’s hair. Loki pushes Tony’s tongue back with his own, and sweeps into Tony’s mouth easily, sliding between his teeth, and Tony bites down to hear Loki moan. He pulls back, breaking their lips apart and leaving Tony’s tingling, and the mattress shifts as Loki moves.

Then Loki’s body is heavy on top of his, their cocks nudging, and Tony opens his eyes again to see Loki lying over him. He’s braced with his elbows on either side of Tony’s head, legs stretched out and twining with Tony’s, their hips tucked together, the towel gone, and Tony smirks. His hands sweep down Loki’s sides, all whipcord muscle over the ridges of his ribs. “God, you’re stunning.”

Loki gives a sweet, contented little smile, and tucks his face down between Tony’s shoulder and neck. “Am I?”

“You know you are - you’d better know you are, because it’s true.” There’s so much warm, smooth, soft skin under Tony’s hands, roaming and mapping the contours of Loki’s back, and he loves the way Loki’s delicate frame still manages to weigh him down perfectly, the way his long and graceful legs extend far past Tony’s. He lifts one foot to stroke down Loki’s calf with his toes, and Loki hums against Tony’s neck and just barely arches into the touch. 

And Tony _wants_ , wants this so much, wants so much it should frighten him but he hasn’t got two brain cells to spare to think about it. _Mine, mine, mine!_

But he does remember that it’s taken Loki a while to get here and there’s no guarantee he’s on the exact same page as Tony just yet. Same book, maybe, but Tony wants this word-perfect. “Fuck, you’ve gotta - tell me what you want. With me. With this.”

Loki doesn’t move for a second, and then slowly lifts himself back up; his tongue flickers across his lips, already shining with Tony’s saliva, and his eyes waver before coming to rest on Tony’s own. “I want to wake in the morning knowing I am only alone because you must work, and you’re thinking of me as you do so. I want to kiss you in front of everyone because you’ll never be ashamed of me. I want you to share your secrets and your pain, and I want to show you mine in return.” He bends his neck and leans his forehead against Tony’s. “I want to feel loved. To love you.”

Oh, god- Tony groans and his hips buck up against Loki’s and his cock throbs. “Yeah, okay, fully on board with this plan, hundred percent - but I was thinking more like _top or bottom?_ ”

Loki’s laugh is a soft, warm breath over Tony’s lips. “Tell me, is your reputation well-earned? When your conquests gossip of your stamina and insatiability, do they mean it, or do they merely strive to make others jealous? Need I choose only one of my options?" 

Tony grins. “I suppose you’ll have to find out.”

Loki lifts his head and grins right back. “Well, then.”

He picks himself up onto his hands and knees and Tony’s body feels cold and light already without him there. Loki reaches somewhere over Tony’s shoulder and there’s the sound of the bedside table drawer sliding open. “I’m glad now I kept these,” Loki says, and drops a string of condom packets onto Tony’s chest, and then a half-full bottle of clear lube. 

“Yeah, me too.”

Loki tears a packet off from the strip and tucks it carefully into his hand, and then he shuffles down the bed and bends over and his wet black hair falls across Tony’s hips and-

Loki’s tongue is hot and moist and confident, licking a thick stripe up Tony’s cock slow and smooth, and Tony gasps and shudders and his heart leaps in his chest. Loki’s tongue swirls around the tip, flirting with the slit, quick and agile, waves and waves of sensation cascading down Tony’s nerves to his poor unprepared brain, he’s never felt _anything_ like this, Loki’s tongue is fucking magic.

He licks down again, cheek sliding along Tony’s thigh as he goes, but Tony barely feels it through the onslaught that’s Loki’s tongue on his cock, blood sizzling in his veins. It’s so good, so fucking good he can’t see, can only whimper and press up for more and harden under Loki’s mouth. His pulse is throbbing and his skin feels tight, and Loki’s lips press a warm double-arched kiss to the underside and Tony almost cries. 

Then the soft latex of the condom rolls down his cock, and the brushes of Loki’s fingertips feel like fireworks. Loki presses the latex snugly around the base, so light Tony hardly feels it, and he wants more of Loki, wants everything-

He struggles partially upright when Loki doesn’t touch him again, and sees Loki with the bottle of lube, about to pour it over his fingers, and Tony reaches out. “Let me?”

Loki looks up, almost surprised that Tony would ask, and Tony wants to call him an idiot but he can’t kill the mood like that, so he just gestures impatiently and waits for Loki to hand him the bottle.

Loki rearranges his features into coy superiority, and slaps the lube into Tony’s hand, like he’s ordering Tony to do the work for him. Then he kneels up and turns around, and lowers his shoulders to the bed by Tony’s feet.

His ass and thighs are white and firm, slightly curved flesh looking warm and inviting, strength and grace all rolled up, and Tony wants so much to touch, to own-

And hey. He can. Maybe he already does.

He drizzles the lube over his first two fingers, and sits upright and moves closer, drops the bottle in the sheets and sets his free hand on Loki’s ass cheek, and pulls it aside.

Loki hums and arches his spine, tilting his ass up towards Tony, and Tony’s mouth goes dry at the sight, muscles and skin, perfection offered up right there for the taking.

“Not too much,” Loki says. “I want to _feel_ this.”

“Yeah?” Tony reaches into the valley of Loki’s cheeks and rubs his lubed fingers gently up and down, running over the tight pucker of Loki’s hole but not going inside, not yet. “How much? A little ache and twinge every now and then? Or do I fuck the ability to walk right out of you?”

Loki gives something between a laugh and a moan, and it’s a gorgeous sound but Tony has heard Loki’s pure laugh so rarely that he wishes it had been that instead. “I do need to walk today.”

“Shame.”

Loki rolls his hips back into Tony’s hand, tempting and impatient. “Perhaps not tomorrow, though.”

“Ah. I’ll remember that.” Then he takes Loki’s hint and finds his hole again, pushes the tip of one finger slowly inside.

Loki’s fiercely tight and he jerks under Tony’s hand - yeah, guess who’s massively out of practice if nobody’s touched him for a year - and Tony goes slow, stays where he is and massages the small of Loki’s back. “Shh. I gotcha. Not moving until you say.”

“Mmph.” Loki’s hands are fisting in the sheets and his shoulders are tense, but he leans slowly back into Tony’s hand and pulls his finger deeper and keens, high and muffled against the mattress.

“Hey.” Tony finds the swell of Loki’s ass cheek, squeezes to get his attention. “Easy.”

Loki turns his head to the side, lowers his chin to meet Tony’s eyes. “I will not break. And perhaps I like a little pain from the right hands. At the right time.”

Tony’s vision almost whites out. “Oh, we are going to have so much to talk about.”

Loki tied up, dripping Tony’s come from his plugged hole - Loki on his knees, hands bound behind his back, throat raw from choking on Tony’s cock - Loki cuffed to the bed, back marked by a riding crop, hips grinding against the mattress but held back by a cock ring…

Loki clears his throat sharply. “Perhaps _later?_ ”

“Hmm.” Tony rocks up to his knees and crawls forward to lean down over Loki’s body and whisper in his ear, slick finger slowly working deeper. “Is this the part where I slap you for being a greedy impertinent bastard?”

“No.” Loki shoves his hips back, forces Tony’s finger to the second knuckle, buries it in gripping heat, and Tony’s cock throbs in sympathy. “This is the part where you stretch me open just enough that I won’t bleed when you _finally_ get your cock in me.”

“Pushy bottom, huh? I like that.”

“Wait until you find out what else I’m willing to do.”

“And kinky, too.” Tony sits back up, eyes his finger disappearing into Loki’s body, his skin looking dark against Loki’s marble white. “God, you’re perfect. I can’t wait to actually _do_ something here.”

Loki laughs, a real laugh, actually amused by something. “You’re setting the pace. You’ve got no-one to blame but yourself.” His smirk is hot and challenging. “I said I wouldn’t break. Come on. I’d like to get fucked _today_ , if possible.”

Okay, then. Tony pulls back and almost out, pushes back in with two fingers, and Loki’s eyes fall shut and his mouth drops open and he moans almost silently. He’s tight and hot, muscles gripping Tony like a vice, and Tony reaches for the bottle of lube and drizzles it where his fingers meet the stretched skin of Loki’s hole, pushes further inside and brings the slick with him. 

He goes slow, because after all this posturing he’s not entirely sure Loki would say if it got to be too much, so he takes it easy and rubs against Loki’s insides, pulls his fingers back gently and thrusts, nice and shallow, waits for a sign from Loki to go deeper. 

Loki’s hands are twisting in the sheets and there’s a red flush starting to come up under his skin, and his hair is curling at the ends as it gets a bit drier in the air. He looks exquisite and Tony can barely imagine how much more ruined he’ll be when Tony’s fucked him to exhaustion, and his hand goes to his cock at the thought, _needing_ friction and heat. He moans as he pushes his fingers deeper still, knuckles stretching Loki’s rim and his other fingers curled up tight between his cheeks, and Loki feels exquisite and he wants to be inside him, now-

But he’d only hurt him, he’s not ready yet, and Tony’s going to do this right.

He sucks in a breath, cool air, and pulls his hand off his cock, and scissors his fingers apart gently to stretch Loki open.

Loki gives a shivering moan and his hips buck into Tony’s hand, and he lifts an arm from the bed to reach between his thighs.

“Oh, look at you,” Tony murmurs, “you’re beautiful when you’re desperate. Really, just my fingers and you’re on the edge, I can’t wait to see what my cock’ll do to you…”

Loki almost sobs and his shoulder’s twitching as he works himself, and Tony smirks and rubs his fingers gently all around Loki’s insides, spreads them further apart, strokes down Loki’s warm and trembling thigh. He remembers Loki’s teasing and knows there’s more of this in front of them, so he’s losing nothing by pushing ahead now. “Yeah, that’s it, let go, come all over yourself just from my fingers, just this, like you can’t get enough…”

Loki’s breath hitches and his arm goes still, and then he twists and jerks away from Tony’s hands, spins around and his hands find Tony’s shoulders and shove him down flat to the bed. Tony gasps for breath and blinks his vision clear, and then there’s a heavy, warm weight across his hips and he sees Loki straddling him, head high and proud, hair thrown back down his neck, gaze predatory. “The only reason I _can’t get enough_ is that you haven’t given it to me yet, and I am done with waiting.”

“How dare I,” Tony agrees, and settles his hands over Loki’s hips, the bones fitting perfectly into his palms, his thighs warm where Tony’s forearms rest on them. “Can I make it up to you?”

Loki tosses his head. “I _take_ what’s mine.”

_And_ he’s a switch. Just when Tony thinks he can’t get any more perfect… Loki’s gorgeous, a demon in the sack, and he’s got one of the sharpest minds Tony’s ever encountered. He’s never believed in soulmates, but he sure as hell believes in lust for everything about a person. In desire and possession, and the answering storms in Loki’s eyes. “Fuck, I think I love you.”

Loki grins, and leans down over him, hands framing his head and caging him in. “You’ll do more than think it by the time I’m through with you.”

Then he wraps his long fingers around Tony’s cock and Tony thrusts up into Loki’s touch, the tight grip and the way his pulse pounds against it, the bubbles in his blood, the rising high building up at the base of his skull. Tony’s almost painfully hard now, huge in Loki’s hand, his cock almost all he can feel, the heat and the throbbing of his pulse and every teasing movement of Loki’s fingers. 

Loki pulls his hand away and sits upright, and Tony falls for a moment with his anchor gone, and then Loki’s cheeks brush the sides of his cock and his rim catches at the tip, and Loki slides down.

It’s unthinkably tight and hot and the pleasure spikes through him, and Tony forces his eyes back open to see Loki over him, hands spreading his cheeks wide, legs bent and framing Tony’s ribs, thighs taut as he keeps himself just around the head of Tony’s cock.

Loki’s eyes meet his, searing and confident, pupils blown wide. “No more teasing, Tony. I’ll have what you promised me.”

Then his hips roll and he slams down hard on Tony’s cock.

Tony shouts at the pressure and the _heat_ , the weight keeping him pinned, the way Loki swallows him so effortlessly, the way he _impaled_ himself like all Tony’s care was for nothing, and then Loki lifts up, tight and slick and slow, a rolling wave up Tony’s cock, and pushes back down, takes him back in, and does it again. Tony’s heart is turning over in his chest with Loki’s movements, his whole existence bound up in the sensations Loki’s pouring into him.

Loki’s mouth is open, his head tilted back, the long lines of his neck standing out sharply, his hands hanging by his sides like he doesn’t know what to do with them. Tony lifts his hands from Loki’s hips and takes Loki’s, feels the heat and the quick pulse under Loki’s skin, and then Loki’s eyes snap back open and his hands twist from Tony’s grip, and then Tony’s hands are up by his head and Loki’s are around his wrists, pinning him down, and Loki’s leaning over him, dragging Tony’s cock forward where it’s locked inside him.

“ _No more teasing_ ,” Loki growls, and clenches hard around Tony’s cock and Tony sees stars, _feels_ stars, a thousand spinning points of light inside his flesh. “You’re - mine.” His skin rubs against Tony’s as he rocks over Tony’s hips. “Now, always, I want and I _will_ have you.”

Tony gasps for air, for clarity. “Works for me.”

Loki grins, and then he really starts fucking himself on Tony’s cock, harsh motions of his hips up and down, taking and taking and taking, and Tony’s back is arched high and he’s thrusting up into Loki every time he lifts himself, and Loki’s weight on his wrists is almost painful and so good, and Loki is heat and lust and strength and all things Tony wants, and he might be crying and begging for more but he doesn’t even care.

Loki clenches down around him and grinds his hips hard against Tony’s, takes him in as far as he can go, and then Loki lifts a hand to pump at his cock, just once, and he throws his head back and his mouth drops open and his come splatters Tony’s stomach. He’s beautiful like this - every way, really, but especially like this - still damp from his shower, skin gleaming in the lights, hair tangled and curling at the ends, a red flush over those high cheekbones, and Tony’s heart almost stops just to look at him. 

Thank god there’s no such thing as karma, because Tony knows he’s done nothing to deserve this but he sure as hell isn’t giving it up.

Loki blinks at the ceiling and breathes in, chest swelling, and looks back down at Tony. “That’s more like it.”

Then he lifts up off Tony’s cock and leaves him bare, all exposed and cold and Tony’s brain doesn’t know how to take the _nothing_ after so much of _Loki,_ he needs more and he might actually whimper.

“Shh,” Loki says, and his hands stroke in broad sweeps down Tony’s chest, thumbs sliding through his come. “I have you.”

Then his hand wraps Tony’s cock tightly and he squeezes and twists, and Tony can’t _think_ through how good it feels, and then Loki’s thumb rubs at his slit and Tony pulses once in Loki’s hand and comes. 

“ _Loki!_ ”

It’s ringing in his ears and echoing around his head, and Loki’s wide smirk is all Tony can see. 

The pleasure settles along his nerves, warm and relaxed and good, and Loki carefully peels the condom off him and then the damp corner of his towel is wiping his come off Tony’s stomach. The fabric’s almost too much and Tony squirms under it, and Loki huffs and tosses it away before lying chest-down next to Tony, pressing against his side. His arm settles possessively across Tony’s shoulders, and Tony works his own arm out from under Loki’s body to a more comfortable place, under Loki’s neck and then resting his hand on Loki’s back.

“Mmm.” Loki cuddles up closer, tucking one of his legs between Tony’s, his skin warm and soft. “I enjoyed that.”

“Think we can do better?”

“We won’t know until we try.”

“Well, then.” Tony lifts his free hand and gropes Loki’s firm ass. “I guess we’ve got to try.” 

Loki’s laugh is everything Tony wants to hear, and when Loki lifts his head, Tony sees Loki’s eyes lingering on his smiling mouth. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're done! I can't believe how much love you guys have for this fic. For a crossover with a relatively obscure fandom, the response has blown me away. Extra thanks to those who haven't seen Pacific Rim but trusted me enough to give them a good story <3
> 
> And ALL MY LOVE to everybody who has decided to go see Pacific Rim. It's a great movie, I love it and I'm pretty sure you will too :)
> 
> Betaed by [OfApplesAndArrows](http://of-apples-and-arrows.tumblr.com/) and [Haldane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Haldane/pseuds/Haldane). Thanks guys! <3
> 
> For appendices to this fic and other works, and more, please visit my [Tumblr](http://ao3-arkada.tumblr.com/) :)
> 
> (html links, why you take so long to type?)


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